No matter what

There is no perfect and even as I have a latitude that others in relationships don't have, I am also on my own.  The reality is that being trans is extremely difficult and sometimes made more so by walking a tightrope between genders. Although Joanna has the lion share, I still present male to some friends and to extended family who I just can't be bothered to work on because their acceptance matters not one whit to me and isn't worth the effort. But no matter how we present, the internals don't change and we are the same person which took me the longest time to understand viscerally even as I did intellectually. We are trans before and after surgery because it is what is between the ears that counts the most. Finding your formula can take many years of trial and error and sometimes (like with a fellow trans patient of my family doctor) the death of a spouse to create an opportunity for a transition under the most horrible of circumstances.

Wake up call

T he long standing incestuous relationship between the GOP and the crackpot religious right just gave the entire country a rallying cry. Come November Americans will come out to vote in huge numbers to try and take back their country from the edge of destruction which was starting to look a lot like a trip towards a theocratic dictatorship. Fathers and mothers who worry about their daughter being forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy, LGBTQ people and women who don't want the government telling them what to do with their bodies are going to hopefully come out in droves and vote. Those who worry about gun conceal laws biting the dust will as well. If you weren't worried before about voting extremists into office before you may have started to now and these recent developments might b e the catalysts the country was looking for to finally wake up. I for one certainly hope so.

Three groups

I 've written here before about Anne Vitale's 3 groups of trans people which she saw in her practice. G1 is born male but has trouble hiding very effeminate behavior right from the outset much to the exasperation of concerned parents. G2 is born female and is noticeably drawn towards boy clothes, toys and behavior. G3 is born male and understands early there is a disconnect but keeps quiet and is nevertheless able to conceal and behave as the world demands. What I like about these groupings is that they capture the trans community perfectly. Her G1 historically tended to transition early and was usually androphilic which was yet another bonus for alignment with their change. I am a G3 as are most of the trans people I know. This means we traditionally resisted until hitting a wall in midlife or later although this is now changing with trans issues being so much in the open versus when I was growing up. This likely means that there is probably a blending between G1 and G3 in so

Fareed's take


The light


Letting life come to you

There isn't the slightest doubt in my mind about two things: I will never marry again and I will never live with anyone. That being said there is an openness for companionship which not borne out of need leaves you without any sense of desperation and with your eyes wide open. By this age you know how life works with all its benefits and pitfalls hence you can entertain the idea of sharing a life with someone who accepts the entire package of who you are but it is not mandatory. Thus when you hold the cards and there is no sense of urgency, you can let life come to you.