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lunch with Cristine

I had lunch today with Cristine; that 32 year old woman who I befriended not long ago. She seemed to want to talk so we made plans for today since we were both off (I had a car appointment in the morning and booked off for the day).

We had a lovely lunch in old Montreal and she was able to share some of the frustrations she is going through in her life right now. I was only too happy to lend an ear but we both benefited from getting together as she is a lovely person.

To Cristine I am a mid fifties divorced woman and I kept it that way. I had no interest in going down the transgender rabbit hole.

She works in broadcasting and is moving to Toronto in the next few months so all the more reason not to broach the subject. I will more than likely lose touch with her.

This falls into the category of experimentation with living full time and I am reflecting slowly on whether it's a good fit for me.

Yes Sherry, I wore my stilettos.

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a fantastic woman

Marina is a transgender woman living in a culture where she is not accepted. She has not yet changed her papers and when her boyfriend Orlando dies one evening she finds the police taking an interest and makes her life difficult. She becomes a suspect and suffers more than she needs to under an oppressive legal system. Orlando's family also wants nothing to do with her.

Daniela Vega does a great job here. See it and understand why it won best foreign film last year.

You can find it on Netflix...

more thoughts on cross gender arousal

I have been reflecting for many years on how cross gender arousal originates.

Firstly, the transgender child has already exhibited (or hidden) some gender variance for several years before they arrive at puberty (I wasn't older than 4 when scolded for wearing my mother's shoes)
But when they hit puberty a dilemma occurs: the object of the sexual attraction is also someone whose gender they identify with either fully or partly. This contradiction affects the imprinting of the sexual identity but it is not well described as target location error but rather as a pull in two separate directions which leaves the gynephilic adolescent facing two distinct paths. I was keenly aware of this problem but wanted to be normal so I suppressed the dysphoric feelings as hard as I could.

I wasn't attracted to my own image as a woman but rather to the idea of being a desirable woman as well as being with one. That juxtaposition fused to my gender core and I was left with a riddle to solve:…

working on your female voice

The other day someone asked me how to improve their voice. Well here is the simple technique I used:

1) Record yourself on a cell phone for about 5 minutes per day and listen back

2) work on inflection, pitch and rhythm as females speak differently than males

3) Make sure the voice does not come from the chest cavity. It is about pinching midway through your vocal chords and not using falsetto. This requires you train them.

After a while it becomes intuitive and foolproof. I am never misgendered on the phone and am always addressed as Miss or Madame 100% of the time. I also don't need to force to have the voice remain at this range. I can speak this way for hours.

I recorded a short sample here and please forgive the fact that I was a bit out of breath when I did so :)

Michael Moore on Trump

Here is Michael Moore on Democracy Now...

is transition inevitable?

Is transition inevitable? I have been pondering this question as my own life seems to be heading in that direction only I do not yet know what form it will take.

Those of you who, like me, have suffered from potent lifelong gender dysphoria have probably felt throughout your lives as if you were holding back the tide. You suppressed the feelings and perhaps indulged in periodic crossdressing to soothe those intense periods. As we age however, the reasons for suppressing become less evident.

Still, I never expected to be in this position with the dearth of reasons not to live a more honest life slowly evaporating. I am alone with two adult children who have told me they just want me to be happy. My company is giving me the green light to transition and I am working as a woman part time on a side project. I am also virtually living full time in my social life.

Yet as always, I am careful to tread with caution because this has worked for me thus far. I didn’t need to rush and because of…

ethical behaviour in all things

I was listening recently to an ethicist speaking on the radio about the idea of capitalism with a conscience which still exists in parts of the western world. Co-ops are one such form of inclusion where a worker forms part of the ownership of a company. Credit unions are another.

How many of you remember the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” and George Bailey the man who didn’t think that his life meant anything until by film’s end he realizes how many lives he has touched through his acts of kindness and selflessness. His father’s struggling credit union helped people get their first homes and they forgave lateness on payments if it meant being able to support these burgeoning families.

FDR had a bigger scheme in the form of the New Deal where families benefited from series of Great Depression era recovery programs which helped create the American middle class. Today this would be called socialism by a Republican party who has lost touch with the very principles on which their country …