Thursday, 23 February 2017

the resistance

Trump shouldn't have come after the media as "the enemy of the American people" and Keith Olbermann very emphatically takes him to task over it....


Wednesday, 22 February 2017

entitled to the same rights

We have a hypervigilance to gender and even we trans people notice when someone else breaks the rules or doesn’t pass well enough so that they stick out. It’s one of the fundamentals that we first learn: this is a boy and this is a girl and this is what each one is permitted to do.

As someone who long struggled with self-acceptance I had to try and remove that sensitivity in order to repair my psyche. When I was working hard at ignoring my dysphoria I would wince a little when someone flirted with the rules and was brave enough to be themselves. Inside I felt an admiration for them that I thought I could never muster.

For many of us our salvation lies outside of the binary system because that itself can become a form of enslavement. “Be a man or be a woman but for God’s sake don’t be a transgender person because that is just confused” and so some of us switch sides when it may not be warranted or beneficial.

Being a gender outlaw is less difficult when you blend in and the less you do the more you become a potential target of slurs and dirty looks.

In my less confident days I would get the glaring long stares which were met with me looking away and pretending I didn’t notice. I just knew not to look back but could feel the piercing eyes trying to make out what they were seeing. This happens far less or not at all which has everything to do with my elevating my body language and demeanor but most importantly my attitude.

In spite of the risk, I personally prefer not living in fear and being out in the world instead of a closet because, as I have now learned, there is much reward to be gained. It is why I am enjoying the fruits of my labour today.

There are plenty of other people out there facing their own challenges that they cannot mask. People who are disfigured, obese or physically disabled do this every day and find ways to lead normal lives.

They haven’t chosen to be that way and neither have we but we can all hold our heads up high knowing we have every right to the very same things as everyone else.

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

you will get what you think you deserve

I had already prepared this post but then it became even more relevant upon reading Jack's latest Crossdreamers post on finding love.

It’s very common to see trans people feel they are lucky to be with someone who tolerates them and for some this may be very true. For example if you have pushed the envelope into transition after not announcing you were trans from the outset, you should consider yourself very fortunate.

Conversely I think some set themselves up to get only what they think they deserve. What do I mean by this? That our natural self destructiveness conspires to set the bar very low and some of us are prone to settle for someone who is at best not repulsed by the idea that we are transgender. This is not exactly an earth-shattering gold standard.

Yes we represent a needle in a haystack but if we exist then so do they and I am certain that there is statistically a larger group of women who would welcome a transgender partner than our actual percentage in society.

Setting the bar low from the outset will only ensure that both of you will suffer should you realize later into the relationship that you want a freer range of expression than she is prepared to accept. I understand this is hard for people already in existing relationships but for those open to engaging in something new, here is your chance to be who you really are.

Take the time while you are alone to really understand yourself and, once there, be open to possibilities without bending one inch of your identity.


Monday, 20 February 2017

Wilmore to the rescue

I need to apologize to Whatever, Yeah because not having watched the entire episode of Real Time on HBO I had not realized that Breibart's Milo Yiannopoulos had come after transgender people during the show. It does not surprise me however since he is a disgusting piece of work.

This is one area where Bill Maher himself is also confused and actually agreed with Milo over transgender bathrooms which is deeply disappointing.

Comedian Larry Wilmore comes in to the rescue and rightfully tells Milo to go you know where....

http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/320234-feud-erupts-between-larry-wilmore-and-milo-yiannopoulos-during



Sunday, 19 February 2017

it happens first in the mind

Before anything else transition must happen in the mind.

That little switch must go off when you realize who you are and how you need to proceed. Barring that there is no sense in changing anything because it is too dangerous when you are conflicted.

I know that some people transition because they know themselves and hence do enormously well. Others, perhaps mired in the insecurity that they must fit into the binary, might opt for a process they may regret later.

I think your mind should be clear of doubt and you should be absolutely certain that this is right for you. Otherwise just be a happy trans person and find your own place in a spectrum where there is plenty of room.

I will write about my two lovely dinners with Rhonda Williams in a forthcoming post, but one thing we both touched upon numerous times was finding your own place as a unique human being who must by necessity play by their own rules.

Saturday, 18 February 2017

something smells rotten

Breibart News editor Milo Yiannopoulos is irreverent and funny but he is also dangerous. He is disarmingly witty, unabashedly and flamboyantly gay and yet is strongly white nationalist, Catholic, anti-feminist and pro-Trump. He is also hard to pin down and uses humor as a way to disarm and avoid being cornered.

Watch how Bill Maher tries and then grudgingly finally agrees to disagree. Kudos to Bill for having him on regardless.

Like many in the alt-right they don't come out at you as blatant racists but instead spin things around to say that the political correctness has gone to far and that white people shouldn't be made to be apologists for the suppression of other races.

Milo is smart and dodges questions with jokes but just watch one of his talks and how he puts people in their place when they criticize him and his platform.

Like Steve Bannon and Richard Spencer they form part of a dangerous movement that tries to wrap white nationalism in a another guise only that at the end of the day you can only use so much air freshener to no avail on the smell of rotten fish.

Friday, 17 February 2017

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts where I was certain to be some sort of deviant.

What would have helped me and, many others who grew up during the dark ages, was a more frank and open environment that would have allowed us to understand what we were facing. I now understand the mechanisms at play but it took many years of suffering before I arrived there.

Having reflected on this issue at great length, I am now hard pressed to understand how one could possibly avoid the fusion of dysphoria and burgeoning sexuality since your transgender nature forms part of the comprehensive package you came wrapped in as you entered puberty. Hence it will be the strength of your dysphoria that will ultimately dictate how you will proceed and not whether you experience erotic feelings to the idea of feminization.

One of the litmus tests we know quite well is the administering of HRT which when given to conventional males has them become despondent. When given to transgender people however and, despite the quashing of the sexual libido, it helps bring them peace. This is just one of the ways we know its not all about sex.

"But wait a minute" you tell me "if Harry Benjamin saw so many more patients than Ray Blanchard why didn't both come to the same conclusion?"

Well the answer lies in the following quote I featured recently from Benjamin: "Transsexualism is both a sex and gender problem". For Blanchard, who built upon the wacky work of mentor Kurt Freund in measuring penile stimulation in pedophiles and homosexuals, it suddenly became exclusively a sexual problem.

It turns out that neither Benjamin or Blanchard could conclusively prove their case, but what made Benjamin head and shoulders superior is that he refrained from the pretense of a solution via dodgy science.