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Autogynephelia...

Its a mouthful of a term and a lot of people (trans included) don't know what it means. In a nutshell it means "love of one's own image as a woman". The trans community has taken exception to this idea because people like Ray Blanchard (the researcher) have used it to denigrate the need or desire for SRS in some transexual women. I know when I was young and first experienced sexual release while dressed as a woman it made me feel guilt and shame. I was after all a Catholic and this should never happen!

As I have gotten older the sexual aspect of dressing has waned but what I have concluded is that I did not start dressing as a female for sexual pleasure (after all I was only 4 or 5) but instead as puberty began to take hold of my body the incredible satisfaction of being able to do this was converted into sexual energy. We are after all sexual beings. But it was this very achieving of orgasm that kept me pinned into a cycle of guilt which then manifested itself in purge cycles where i would throw all the clothes away only to buy some more in the future.

I have read statements from transexual women who have experienced the same sensations as myself and still went on to transition. So the myth that you are only transexual if there is absolutely no sensual component in your desire to be female has been debunked in my mind. However I have no hatred of my male organs or have a burning desire to start living full time tomorrow so I will wait things out and let time decide what is best.

I point you to this fascinating read by Beth Orens where she explains all....

http://www.starways.net/beth/ag.html

In my own case I do find it revealing though that if I go through a dry spell of not dressing I can get pretty cranky...

Comments

  1. "I did not start dressing as a female for sexual pleasure (after all I was only 4 or 5) but instead as puberty began to take hold of my body the incredible satisfaction of being able to do this was converted into sexual energy"

    Absolutely true! This is exactly why so many things that are otherwise totally non-sexual get connected with sex and sexuality. When I am simply mentally excited about something, I may also experience a sexual high.

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  2. it took me the longest time to get rid of the guilt associated with this as well...

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