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passing thoughts

I used to think I understood the concept of "passing". That holy grail that all aspiring crossdressers strive for. If only we could fly under the radar and not be detected. To be left alone and not be hounded or laughed at at the mall. Oh those packs of teenage girls!

I would dress flawlessly but then carry myself like a frightened soul with hunching shoulders and expression of pain emblemed on my face. The ruse was up, no matter how feminine I might have looked. And here was someone mistaken for a girl as late as 11 years old during the early 70's when long locks were the norm. Is that your daughter? The shopkeeper said to my mom one day. I was stunned and ashamed but secretly titilated although I would never admit that to myself at the time.

And now as I write this I am comfortably ensconced in an internet cafe in my dress,pumps and earrings. How far I have come. The secret all along of course is understanding in your mind that you have a right to exist. That God loves you as you are and that it's all about how you feel inside.

Passing is really a state of mind and regardless of how well made up you are or how nice your bone structure is we will never pass until we figure out the inside which in the end is the real measure of passing.just BE...

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If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…