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The advancing tide

I find that the "newness" of this process for me can be (for lack of a better word) addictive. Since I came to terms with this condition of mine being permanent, its been easier to accept that I can now allow it to run a ceetain course and see where it takes me. The new experiences as a woman are challenging and fun and I want to test myself in all new situations to see how I fare. As an example I was in a coffee shop yesterday and overheard two women speaking Spanish. I recognized the accent as coming from Spain and since they needed some assistance ordering I jumped in with both feet to help and eventually ended up having a nice chat. The day before that I was in a dress shop browsing and in the process of looking struck a nice chit chat with the owner who turns out is Chilean. At the end of our 20 minute conversation I ended up giving her my number so she could call me and we would get together at her discretion and timing. I don't normally give everyone my number but this was a genuinely nice lady and I could tell we would have a nice time together.

Its fascinating to me how easily I am slipping into the role of a woman. Its like it was always there just sleeping in the background. I learnt to be male in society but the natural leaning appears to be female (at least that is how I am perceiving it). It could also be that having 4 sisters and a mom, I have learnt a whole lot about feminine behavoir.

In those meetings the conversation flowed well, my voiced and mannerisms held up beautifully and I was able to again advance my adaptation into the female world. Whether or not I should be trying to stem this tide is not coming into question too much right now. I just want to try this process out and see where it leads without overstressing - which is something I have done in the past. Being trans has caused me enough anxiety over the years and I now want to take the attitude that I am this way and should celebrate it while at the same time being sensitive to those who know me and desire the changes to be slower or to stop all together. That would very much include my mother who acknowledges I am this way but prefers to know or hear as little about it as possible. I suppose it makes sense as she raised a boy and not a girl.

Today I meet Darla again at the mall for 11:00 am. We are going to have a tea  and perhaps do some browsing. So I get to practice being Joanna with another woman a little more before going back to work on Monday. Been an interesting 2 weeks thus far to be sure....

Comments

  1. It DOES seem like women are a lot more prone to be friendly with each other. It is a very nice feeling of freedom is it not? :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. it really is Kim. I am amazed at the difference...

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