Skip to main content

Kate Bornstein

I looked up Kate Bornstein's book "gender outlaw" while at the library yesterday. She's had quite the life and she doesn't shy away from speaking her mind. I am impressed with her cut to the chase style and quick wit. Afterwards I got online and viewed some of her videos. In particular, there was a plea for teens who might be suicidal with her essential message being that it does get better. She says you can do what it takes to make your life better as long as you're not mean. You can tell she's lived and seen a lot. Very much her own person.

She's also become an outspoken spokesperson for transgender rights and seems to be solicited often to speak on our behalf. I for one am glad she's there. Most of us need to do a lot of living to get to where she is and I wish we were all as self effacing and straightforward as Kate is. Bully for her!

On another note my friend J came over for dinner. We've known each other for 26 years, so the confidence level is there. I ended up showing him a picture of Joanna. I think he was impressed as to how well I passed as a woman. A few years back I never would have contemplated telling any of my friends, but so far the sky has not fallen and the earth still revolves, so I guess I need'nt have stressed about it. Who knows, maybe at some point he'll end up meeting the female me....


Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…