Skip to main content

my friend C....

I've finally decided not to follow up with Ana. Firstly, I left several messages and my call was not returned and secondly I realized that it might not be that useful in the end.

I met my friend C yesterday for a brief coffee in drab and I almost broke down in front of her. I guess I needed to talk to someone in person about what was going on in my life, and meeting her was a watershed moment. It actually surprised me how easily I almost reduced myself to tears. So that made me think that I needed some more time to heal up than I had previously thought and get my life back together. I told her I was giving myself another 3 months.

C has been Joanna's biggest cheerleader from the get go. She approached me 5 years ago while I was in a department store dressed browsing for jewelery. She was working the cosmetics counter and came over to offer her assistance and some words of encouragement. I received free samples and advice on skin care but more than that she was the first person who really saw past the makeup of a crossdresser and wanted to find the real person behind it. From that day forward we remained in contact and I have used her as a confidante where I could not find the level of confidence with other friends or family. That is why for me she retains a special place.

I admit that we discuss my life more than hers since by comparison mine seems infinitely more complex. She is happily married to a successful engineer and has a 10 year old son. They are doing well but she continues to find pleasure in dealing with the public behind her cosmetics counter. Everyone who knows her will attest to her outgoing and bubbly personality and she exudes an energy that could light up a room. A smile and a laugh never far behind each statement she makes. I by comparison have always tended to be reserved and shy, so the draw of her energy by contrast was appealing to me

I'm glad there are people like her in the world.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…