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part time woman

I've come to a decision - I will stay a part time woman. At least for the foreseeable future.

My rationale involves my job, my children and the fact that I don't hate my male body. I am drawn to a female version of myself that is true but not enough to want to make that state permanent. The tradeoff works because Joanna gets to have her place in my life now. She will have her drawer of feminine things and a jewelry box but the male me doesn't need to die to make that happen.

My search for help will revolve more around getting moral support and possibly to help others as well. This will take the focus off myself and open up my horizons within the trans community. I am going to stick to this plan until something else comes around to replace it that makes more sense to me. If that never happens then so be it.I will see how my meeting with Ana goes on Tuesday and go from there.

PS: I know my posting habits are a little ererratic but I consider this blog more of a mental notepad than a daily journal. So that means several posts one day and none the next. Forgive me if that makes this blog harder to follow. I thank those who have followed thus far and hope you find my musings interesting and thought provoking. I see this opportunity to jot things down as personal therapy but I welcome your feedback very much.

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Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

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She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

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