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what I've learnt so far in life..

Here are some of the things I've learnt over the course of my life; some of them the hard way:

- Be yourself. You need to know who you are in order to have others understand you and accept you and know what you stand for.

- Love yourself. If you can't manage this one you won't be able to love anyone else. There will be too much hurt and dysfunction governing your life and getting in the way of reaching out to others.

- Understand that life is full of ups and downs. This one is obvious to anyone who has suffered setbacks in their life and has come out on the other side. The aim is to keep your boat steady and ride the storms understanding that there are other storms down the line as well as sunnier times.

- Learn to find happiness in the small things. We all know money doesn't buy happiness or peace of mind and know that you can be happy with very little if your heart and brain are aligned towards being a good person.

- Don't let yourself be brainwashed. Have your analytical brain function working all times otherwise you'll be a patsy for every wacky cult and hair brained idea out there.

- Live one day at a time. Realize that life is short and that there are no guarantees. You can save for your future but then get hit by a bus tomorrow so live with balance an understanding of your mortality.

- Know that your creator has a plan for you. There is too much perfection and beauty in this world and nothing is random. God does not create junk so understand you are loved and add value to the universe. People are helped in some way by your existence and contribution to their lives.


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another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…