This has been much my own experience in ageing with this condition. It is morphing but ever present in my daily life. I think about it all throughout the day much like an obsession and I wonder sometimes whether transition would satiate that demand for my attention. I have read that once transsexuals move on with their new lives they no longer have to think about their disphoria. Instead, they now rightfully worry about social acceptance, job and family situation, etc but that nagging feeling that something needs repair in their own psyche has been dealt with. They have slaughtered their personal demons.
As for myself, I feel trapped in a twilight state to some degree and have accepted a dual gender role as my consolation wondering how long that definition will continue to suffice. I don’t want to push on with anything or convince myself of anything because self delusion can be a powerful thing. It can bring us to places where there is no going back and I won’t gamble my livelihood or my children’s well being with folly that I will regret later. I just need to allow for a slow gestation period to slow cook all of my brain confusion into something that I can grab a hold of. Once I feel I have come to an equilibrium will I stop over thinking things (one of my unfortunate traits).
But I am a relatively happy person and I have begun to emerge from the stupor of my breakup blues. With a more lucid mind I can better assess my situation and adjust accordingly; hopefully, in the right direction.