Skip to main content


When I read the stories of small children sticking to their guns about what gender they feel they are inside I am fascinated. At their age I was expressing little signs like quietly role playing in my room using my bath robe as a skirt and enjoying some private femininity. But these children go beyond and bravely confront convention and in spite of their parents's insistence to the contrary maintain that they are really girls instead of boys or vice versa.

I ingested the negative messages I was getting and tried to conform as best I could. My parents were highly religious and from a very conservative European stock. They would not have been receptive back in the late sixties regarding trans issues. There was no internet, no media attention. Even homosexuals were only beginning to scratch the surface of social tolerance. I in my private world was a freak that needed curing so I suppressed as much as I could and with the first signs of puberty and accidental sexual release in the clothes that made me so happy, I began training myself to deny everything. I was hell bent on thinking that I would eventually outgrow it all and become "normal".

Are these kids today like this because of media savyness? I know that many transsexuals only deal with their feelings later in adulthood but not these kids. So why are some on a ticking time bomb mode and others on a mission of certainty? Beats the heck out of me.

I know that the piles of shame, guilt and social brainwashing sometimes take years to sort through but I guess I envy those who are able to navigate that obstacle course with such vigour. It must make the struggle of life that much less difficult.

But I must say that regardless where you are on the journey, today is a better time to be trans than when I was a child. May society become increasingly aware and tolerant. As for me, I will try and not look back with any regret. Life is to be looked at in a forward way and there are reasons for everything.

PS: I would hope that none of you shy away from commenting on my posts (agree with me or not). I will only edit or remove offensive posts or those meant exclusively to bait.


Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…