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certainty

When I read the stories of small children sticking to their guns about what gender they feel they are inside I am fascinated. At their age I was expressing little signs like quietly role playing in my room using my bath robe as a skirt and enjoying some private femininity. But these children go beyond and bravely confront convention and in spite of their parents's insistence to the contrary maintain that they are really girls instead of boys or vice versa.

I ingested the negative messages I was getting and tried to conform as best I could. My parents were highly religious and from a very conservative European stock. They would not have been receptive back in the late sixties regarding trans issues. There was no internet, no media attention. Even homosexuals were only beginning to scratch the surface of social tolerance. I in my private world was a freak that needed curing so I suppressed as much as I could and with the first signs of puberty and accidental sexual release in the clothes that made me so happy, I began training myself to deny everything. I was hell bent on thinking that I would eventually outgrow it all and become "normal".

Are these kids today like this because of media savyness? I know that many transsexuals only deal with their feelings later in adulthood but not these kids. So why are some on a ticking time bomb mode and others on a mission of certainty? Beats the heck out of me.

I know that the piles of shame, guilt and social brainwashing sometimes take years to sort through but I guess I envy those who are able to navigate that obstacle course with such vigour. It must make the struggle of life that much less difficult.

But I must say that regardless where you are on the journey, today is a better time to be trans than when I was a child. May society become increasingly aware and tolerant. As for me, I will try and not look back with any regret. Life is to be looked at in a forward way and there are reasons for everything.

PS: I would hope that none of you shy away from commenting on my posts (agree with me or not). I will only edit or remove offensive posts or those meant exclusively to bait.

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