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how does one just stop crossdressing?

I recall frequenting the site of a crossdresser named Yvonne. She was a very "Out" dresser who was also fortunate enough to be partnered to an accepting woman. Yvonne would go out several times a week and she also wrote some fascinating entries and observations on her website. It was a site I enjoyed visiting and found common ground with Yvonne as she fit the profile of the classic heterosexual CD.

Then one day out of the blue she announced that she was done with dressing at the age of 53. She wrote an explanation that amounted to saying that she had explored all of the facets that this activity had to offer. She decided she would work on her male side and make that her priority. She would just go cold turkey and never dress again. Not long after the website was gone and as far as I know Yvonne the crossdresser no longer exists today.

From where I sit I find this hard to contemplate as for me crossdressing represents a reflection of what I have inside of me; something which I don't expect will disappear anytime soon. When I first read her last web entry I first thought: "great someone who has got this beat" but now I am left doubting the authenticity of her internal gender feelings. Is it possible that the dressing was just a "for kicks" activity for Yvonne? I suppose that it's possible but it's left me scratching my head a bit because from where I sit right now I can scarcely imagine this happening to me; as if crossdressing were only a pastime. I know I tried to fight off my crossdressing desires as much as I could but eventually it all caught up to me in my forties. Maybe there is a difference between those of us who get into mom's closet at age 12 and then get hooked on the eroticism of it all. Maybe that's the difference between Yvonne and myself. I was a jubilant little girl at 4 and then I was shocked away from it, guilted and shamed but my nature is to be a girl.

Anyway I will likely never have a perfect answer and the cautionary tales such as those of Renee Richards and others who have opted to transition and have regretted their decision keeps me on my toes and away from getting ahead of myself.

Another internet friend of mine would dress up and have her pictures taken at transformation places. As soon as she met a woman she dropped crossdressing altogether. It boggles my mind. And so the confusion continues....

Comments

  1. Yvonne Sullivan. I read on a posting from her brother that she committed suicide. It was a great website and a great loss in many ways.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I saw this post. It was not the same Yvonne. I know Yvonne and she is fine. That blog about the suicide is not the Yvonne Joanna is discussing here.

      Delete

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