Skip to main content

how does one just stop crossdressing?

I recall frequenting the site of a crossdresser named Yvonne. She was a very "Out" dresser who was also fortunate enough to be partnered to an accepting woman. Yvonne would go out several times a week and she also wrote some fascinating entries and observations on her website. It was a site I enjoyed visiting and found common ground with Yvonne as she fit the profile of the classic heterosexual CD.

Then one day out of the blue she announced that she was done with dressing at the age of 53. She wrote an explanation that amounted to saying that she had explored all of the facets that this activity had to offer. She decided she would work on her male side and make that her priority. She would just go cold turkey and never dress again. Not long after the website was gone and as far as I know Yvonne the crossdresser no longer exists today.

From where I sit I find this hard to contemplate as for me crossdressing represents a reflection of what I have inside of me; something which I don't expect will disappear anytime soon. When I first read her last web entry I first thought: "great someone who has got this beat" but now I am left doubting the authenticity of her internal gender feelings. Is it possible that the dressing was just a "for kicks" activity for Yvonne? I suppose that it's possible but it's left me scratching my head a bit because from where I sit right now I can scarcely imagine this happening to me; as if crossdressing were only a pastime. I know I tried to fight off my crossdressing desires as much as I could but eventually it all caught up to me in my forties. Maybe there is a difference between those of us who get into mom's closet at age 12 and then get hooked on the eroticism of it all. Maybe that's the difference between Yvonne and myself. I was a jubilant little girl at 4 and then I was shocked away from it, guilted and shamed but my nature is to be a girl.

Anyway I will likely never have a perfect answer and the cautionary tales such as those of Renee Richards and others who have opted to transition and have regretted their decision keeps me on my toes and away from getting ahead of myself.

Another internet friend of mine would dress up and have her pictures taken at transformation places. As soon as she met a woman she dropped crossdressing altogether. It boggles my mind. And so the confusion continues....

Comments

  1. Yvonne Sullivan. I read on a posting from her brother that she committed suicide. It was a great website and a great loss in many ways.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I saw this post. It was not the same Yvonne. I know Yvonne and she is fine. That blog about the suicide is not the Yvonne Joanna is discussing here.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…