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in the end we're all the same

Having read, seen and witnessed so many personal stories of transgender people, I now realize we're so similar; in fact more similar than different. We've all heard the cliche that being trans is a journey and not a destination but I think it is very true for this particular saying. People realize early or late that they're transgender or think they're something else but eventually get to the same destination. That destination being acceptance and not necessarily full blown transition or surgery. We all have different life circumstances and choices we've made and some choose to respect those commitments and make due with their current status, while others risk everything to achieve their goal. Everyone's goal being unique.

Some transition in their sixties or seventies and that has the same validity to me as someone who does it in their twenties. Both groups may have felt the same inside but one had the method, circumstance or courage to make it happen. And that assuming you see transition as the ultimate goal. Because the way I see it the ultimate goal needs to be coming to terms with the disphoria and finding a balance you can live with. That in itself is a big challenge.

We in the trans community should be mindful of each other's circumstances and respect each other's choices. Only we know why we have made them and what makes them work for each of us.

It took me years to learn to be a man and I imagine it will take a few to learn to be a woman (if that is indeed where I end up). Regardless all the work of trying to become a good and whole human being will have not been for naught. I would like to think that counts for more in this world.


  1. No, Joanna. We are NOT all the same. And...who is "we", Kimosabe? You yourself admit that we all experience different circumstances. Would it not also stand to reason that we each react to those different circumstances differently?

    I would suggest that your most crucial misconceptions in this post is that women who suffer(ed) from a life threatening medical condition commonly known as transsexualism, share the same goals/needs/"destination" as those who self identify as transgender.

    I have read your posts and pray that you will find your way. I can only hope that you will seek those out who have successfully dealt with their issues and can move beyond the "we are all the same" mantra of the TeeGee.

    While I NEEDED SRS to live, I respect and have no issue with those who choose to live their lives however it is that works for them. My only request is that I not be painted with that same "transgender" brush.

  2. No disrespect intended quiet voice. I don't mean to paint everyone with the same brush either. The individual details of our lives are our own and our journeys very different and yet there is much commonality that binds us together. How we deal with our struggles and the severity of our disphoria guides our approach. Your post is very welcome and appreciated.

  3. Thank you for your courtesy. While I could agree that, "The individual details of our lives are our own and our journeys very different", I do not believe that, "there is much commonality that binds us together".

    Perhaps you might find this of interest...

  4. Thanks again for your feedback quiet voice but while I defer to your own experience as a transsexual I agree with jack molay's assertion that autogynephelia is a failed theory. The presumption that this is sexual driven is flawed as borne out of my own experience and I have corresponded with Anne Lawrence with unconvincing results. The fact that you want to opt out of the TG world is fine by me since this blog is about my own struggles with gender disphoria. The literature you referred me to I have read and offers very simplistic analysis of so called transvestites. The fact that I have not had or may never have SRS does not invalidate my challenges and I assure you that my dressing is not driven by a desire to masturbate in front of a mirror. Peace to you....

  5. Hello? How did Mr. Molay get inserted into this discussion about how we are NOT, "all the same"??

    Why would you presume to believe that I support AGP???

    What has any of this to do with your struggles, or how we are not "all the same"?

    Sadly it seems you have accepted the victim mentality of the TG. Best of luck in your never-to-be-resolved 'gender struggles'.

    1. I am disappointed that you would think me such a fool to believe that you have in fact actually READ the "Transsexual Phenomenon" by Dr. Harry Benjamin.

      You are either regurgitating the biased mis-interpretation of others or displaying a hubristic ignorance of epic proportions. I say this not to insult or belittle you but to point out how unbelieveably devoid of understanding this, your statement is...."The literature you referred me to I have read and offers very simplistic analysis of so called transvestites".

      Please forgive me if I sound harsh, but it almost seemsthat I am being baited by a Mr. Jack Molay. I expect to be treatedin a similar manner and banned from commenting here, as it seems that truthful reality is the least of your interests or inclinations.

      Again, may you fare well in your 'struggles'.

  6. No please do comment here quiet voice. I won't try and block you out or edit your comments. I have in fact read Harry Benjamin's Opie before. I have read lots more. I don't really have a quarrel with you. Labels such as TG, TV, CD, TS are just that - labels. What we do seem to share in common is an apparent disconnect in some form or other with our birth gender.

    I am excluding of course people who crossdress occasionally for kicks or for spectacle. If only it were that simple for me this blog would not exist.

    As for jack I find his blog fascinating and well written although I don't consider myself so much as a crossdreamer in that I don't fantasize about being in the female role during intercourse. I just imagine myself as a female period

  7. I meant to say opus (damn autocorrect,!!)


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