Skip to main content

my children

I love my children dearly. They did not ask to come into this world and I have a responsibility towards them that will not waiver. And yet I am concerned that this process I am going through will result in my discovering that I am a latent transsexual. This is something that is keeping me grounded and away from needing to want to be a transsexual. Right now things are manageable as I try to unearth who I really am after decades of denial. Things are buried so deep that I suspect it will take some time before I have an answer. So I stick to the line that I am trans and can tow the line between both genders. Maybe if I repeat it enough it will stick and avoid a mess.

My children know I crossdress but have never been exposed to it. It was not my intent to tell them but my ex gf went ahead and spilled the beans. I don't necessarily think that was a bad thing mind you because it has opened up the lines of communication between us on that front. I have been able to explain a bit about my struggles to them and it has lifted a huge burden from my shoulders. Still I worry that this knowledge will encourage me to travel further down that path. It's easy to convince ourselves that kids are buoyant and can roll with the punches. While that can be true I know that the divorce they witnessed did have an impact and they have literally come out and told me that they would be distraught if I became a woman.

I pray about all this and will give myself gestation time. Maybe circumstances will fall into place and help me develop some certainty either way. Lord give me strength.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…