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Change of strategy

I have been reflecting about the prospect of entering therapy and last night I made a conscious decision to forego it. It was based on the following thinking:

• I don’t need to have SRS or even take hormones
• I can live as a female without doing either.
• I want to continue to provide a male role model for my son.
• My disphoria is not debilitating enough to propel me to change anything.

Plus what would the therapy do for me at this point? Probably not that much with the additional challenge of sitting in group sessions with aspiring transitioners who might tempt me to do something I would later regret.

The rethinking was also prompted by a meeting I had a couple of nights ago with Ana Alva, who is a transsexual woman barely over 30 years of age. She works at a trans drop in center run by the government and helps others in their struggles. She actually had some reservations about the program run by the hospital and during our conversation I began to realize she might be right. Leaving our meeting that evening I mulled things over. I finally left a message for Helene last night informing her of my decision to forego the therapy and possibly contact her later should my need to enter it arise.

Right now I feel this is the right thing and I feel bolstered by a surge of positive thinking I am having the last 2 days. Yes my recent posts have seemed erratic and contradictory, but I feel that the questioning and struggling is starting to pay dividends. I am actually formulating a way forward slowly; one that will allow me to deal with my disphoria in a positive way and have it infringe as little as possible on my current way of life.

Were I to be 25 years old again I might have opted for what Ana has done, but at this stage I need to live in reality. What is past is past.

However I will be calling Helene in the future when I require someone to talk to regarding my GID.

Comments

  1. Joanna -

    There are way too few good GID therapists. So your decision makes perfect sense.

    If I were 25 again, with the same career ahead of me that I had then, would I consider transition? I'm not sure. I'd have never known my late wife had I taken that path in life. And I don't think I'd want to give up those years of my life.

    But one can never be certain of things. I have a lot more self esteem than I had when younger. If I had this self confidence, who knows what decisions I'd have made with different results....

    Marian

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is so so true Marian. I would not have my kids either. I am so happy with this decision though. I think it's the best thing given where I am in life. Maybe after retirement live full time who knows.....really like your blog btw.....

    ReplyDelete

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