Skip to main content

dinner with the crossdresser and his wife

I am not in the habit of meeting a lot of trans people in person. My history with such encounters has been mixed but since this is someone I had corresponded with (albeit sparingly) over the last 6 years or so I decided to accept an invitation to dinner. I had met this couple once before accidentally in a dress shop last summer when I was still with my gf and we made loose plans to meet up at some point in the future. Last night was to be the culmination of a few weeks worth of planning.

I met them at their hotel and we walked over to our restaurant which was within walking distance - a very modern looking continental tapas bistro.

The conversation flowed and as we compared notes on our experiences and the childhood origins of our crossdressing, I began to realize just how different we are. If there is a spectrum to the transgender world then she is near the beginning whereas I seem to be somewhere between crossdresser and transsexual. She was more drag shows and clubs and I was June Cleaver doing her groceries and going to the mall. Whereas I have been making friends with women, she has been meeting other gurls in gay bars.

It was a startling difference of approach and internal feelings and it brought home to me how far I am from the conventional crossdresser stereotype. I told her all of this and we understood each other to some extent and yet we couldn't be more different. In the end it was more about three people having a social experience than about finding common ground. When I mentioned autogynephelia theory or Ray Blanchard I got blank stares. I was ok with this because they were a perfectly lovely couple but on the root issues we could not relate and I was not going to reveal my current angst in detail. This is a person enjoying and revelling in the joys of dressing and happily doing so maybe once a month. I am dressing daily and struggling with disphoria.

It was a really fun evening but the stark contrast between us stayed with me well past arriving home.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…