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got disphoria??

I read the following on a gender disphoria board discussion and it freaked me out ever so slightly:

"I figured out my GID around 44. Before then, I just knew that I was "different" in some way, I did'nt fit in with a lot of people, and I was'nt like most men. After 44, I was able to finally put a label on it - GID. Since then, I have experienced the ebb and flow of GID. Some days it's not even on the radar, some days it's almost overwhelning. I identify as androgyne, but I've also allowed for the possibilty that my GID may come to a point where I have to do something about it. Even though I've dipped my toe in the estrogen pool, for now I can quench my GID with crossdressing"

Except for the estrogen reference, this is me exactly! even right down to the age. I am increasingly certain now that I do suffer from GID and from everything I have read it's only going to get worse with age. I need to address it post haste. My doctor has already gotten back to me and he will set up an appointment soon.

I don't really understand why GID becomes so consuming with time but it probably is brought on by a combination of avoidance, decreased testosterone levels and the realization that life is short and we cannot continue to live a lie all our lives. We cannot pretend anymore just to measure up to society's expectation of what we should be.

This does not change the fact that I don't want to transition even if I am a woman. By seeing my doctor I may be able to devise a way even if it means going on a low dosage of hormones. Although I doubt that would be permitted without more gender therapy which is next on the list of to dos.


  1. "hell bent on self destruction.... "


  2. I'm over thinking and over analyzing and it's driving me crazy


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