On the other hand there's something not right. I can't put my finger on it yet but this is all too compulsive. So I'm either a woman in denial or a compulsive crossdresser. Either one of those choices suck because I want to be neither. I want not to need to crossdress. But I've tried everything and living alone and giving myself permission to dress has created a monster. Women don't need to crossdress, they just get dressed.
And meanwhile I'm stuck in a TG wasteland with nowhere to go and at the root dissatisfied with the double life. I should be happy to have found balance but I am not really enthused. At least living alone is proving to be ok as well as setting my mind on the idea that this is the best thing for a person like me.
Anne Lawrence thinks she is ill and her solution was to transition. Strange recipe with someone who self diagnoses as having AG. The whole thing is mighty confusing to me as Anne goes to great lengths on her website to show that many late transitioning transsexuals have AG. So where does that leave me in finding some peace? Not sure.
Today I had horrible disphoria - so bad that I emailed my doctor to let him know I need to see him early in the new year about this issue.
It's like one of the transitioners that I know who used the phrase to describe her own situation ",it was either a bullet or a dress". That phrase has stayed with me for months now because sometimes I feel it applies to me. Almost as if fighting were futile in the end. How I hate being this confused.