"the only way to control is to make it a conscious choice instead of letting it remain a compulsion. To do that you need to get in touch with yourself and your feelings and not be ashamed or afraid of them. Once that happens you control the reins of the process"
I think there's a lot of truth in that statement even if does not offer a perfect solution. I suspect that I may not really be as accepting of myself as I think I am. My worry about a mythical future partner being critical of who I am instead of embracing all of me - crossdressing included - is clouding my thought process. Until I can rid myself of all vestiges of my shame, I won't be truly free and able to become perfectly whole. I have come so far that I sometimes lull myself into thinking that I have arrived at my target when clearly I have'nt quite gotten there. If this is an integral part of who I am (whether disease or gift) I need to claim it in it's entirety. I need not see it as a blessing necessarily but not as something to be ashamed of either. I will also keep working on my neediness for companionship as it is
clouding my judgement and my ability to repair my psyche.