Skip to main content

playing house

Quiet Voice made me me think of something when she responded to some of my posts. She made me feel like this is a game and I'm playing house the way little girls do; only I'm playing woman. She makes a valid point in that if I am not a woman then I am trans and I should just learn to make that work for me and celebrate it.

And this indeed could be the end of the discussion for me except that something still feels wrong. I'm too advanced where I am now and yet falling short of being a woman. I am indeed in no man's land. This is leading to dissatisfaction in the sense that 'playing house' is not a workable solution. It's playing pretend every night and in the long run will likely drive me insane.

And yet I am not going to go for transition mostly because I'm scared. I have read chapters 2 and 3 of the book she referred me to and I did find one thing that irked me: it's intransigent tone. Mind the barricades because I'm storming through because I am a woman and nothing will stop me from achieving my goal. Nothing? What about kids, job, family for starters. I also am not sure about the assertion that women are born and not made. That in itself argues that nature has made a complete mistake and put a woman's brain in a male body. But there is no proof or at least insufficient proof that this is true. Science has only begun to scratch the surface on this one but the writer speaks it as if it were Gospel. It is the truth as she sees it and that is all.

Nevertheless someone's own opinions do not solve my situation and until such time as I can no longer balance my ying and yang gender act, I will tow the same line even if not entirely happy with it.


  1. Joanna -

    I read the book too... And it is more of a warning than anything else. Let me explain....

    Recently, I read a book called "Crossing" by Dierdre McCloskey. She is an Economics professor in Iowa City (if I recall correctly) that realized that she needed to transition from male to female in middle age. Diedere does not believe in the Benjamin standards of care, and wanted to rush everything. Of course, her sister thought she was nuts (the sister is a little bit nuts herself) and tried to have Dierdre committed more than once. She also harassed Diedere's doctors and potential doctors to scare them away from treating Dierdre.

    The sister alone would be problem enough for a transsexual. But Dierdre lost her relationship with her (ex)wife and children, all of them shunning Dierdre because they couldn't deal with having a relationship with a M->F Transsexual. So this added to Diedere's stress.

    At least Dierdre's position as a tenured professor wasn't hurt too much. But her profesisonal writing is likely interpreted differently now. Yet, she is accepted in her field. (It also helped that she spent time in Holland during her transition, allowing people to get to know a new Dierdre before she came back to the USA. And her sister couldn't do much to her while out of the USA.)

    But Dierdre has a point - if you really feel in your gut that you need to transition, you probably will find a way to do so. The Benjamin standards of care are both there to protect the person in transition, as well as to be a hazing ritual that prevents people with a casual interest from destroying themselves with a "permanent solution to a temporary condition".

    As for me, I doubt that I'll make a full transition - I'd hate going through a second puberty at my age....


  2. Marian thanks for this. I will likely do the same as you and not transition. Too much to lose with not so much gain. Plus it's what's in your heart and head that counts not what's between your legs.

  3. Congratulations on comletely that book. Not many have the perserverance to do so. It is a difficult read and I too find the tone, troublesome. I am not sure why, but this woman sounds angry or perhaps disappointed.

    I am sorry that you have misinterpreted my intent because far be it from me to consider you very difficult situation a "game". It is anything but, as I am sure you well know.

    Now it sounds like to me, based on what little I know of your situation that you could move beyond "playing house".
    However, I say that with the caveat that what you will be doing is putting EVERYTHING at risk. This is while I urge the strongest most brutally honest self assssment possible.

    My advice, for what it is worth is that transitions shoul only be attempted asa last, "do or die", resort.

    Another read you might find of interest.

  4. Quiet voice I know you did not intend to trivialize my situation. This is entirely my own assessment of the situation and I find your input highly valuable and thought provoking since you have already fought this battle. The last resort approach is exactly what I am trying to follow and in so doing resort to transition when I am at my wits end and have tried everything else. I do not in any way glamourize the journey to womanhood even if I am increasingly feeling I am one (or my brain thinks it does).....


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…