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realizing you're really a woman

The book that quiet voice pointed me to has been nagging at me over one issue in particular. Aside from it's harsh tone the writer subscribes to a bulldozer "my bell has wrung therefore I must transition" mantra. She also insists that women are born and not made (which I don't necessarily agree with) but if you have lived your entire life to date as a male, have a spouse, kids and a career it's not that obvious. Do you proceed exclusively on the basis that you are a TRUE woman?

I admit I have a problem with that. How about the idea of thinking of others before yourself? A few posts back I wrote about the website of an early transitioner who thought that late transitioners were basically men in dresses and how once you had a family you were being selfish by expecting the world to stop revolving and accept you as a woman. I am not sure about the men in dresses bit, but I do agree with her about the second part. So if the writer's litmus test for really being a woman is ramming through the entire list of challenges (which she details in great fashion), then I am clearly missing something. Its all very well to realize who you really are and proceed to correct things but if the collateral damage is substantial plenty of people would think and rethink and then rethink some more. Some might even choose not to transition because the price is too great and not necessarily out of fear but out a sense of altruism.

Maybe I'm not a TRUE woman and so I don't get it. And I'm not saying one should not transition with children or a spouse (if she'll still have you) but what I am saying is that the overall governing concern should be your primary responsibilities in life because like it or not you lived 40 years plus as a man. Hard to erase that.

I will no doubt offend someone's sensibilities by saying all this but I really don't mean to. I know this is a thankless condition and it takes no prisoners.

Comments

  1. Joanna,
    A strong focus on family over self and a deep concern for others is a hallmark of Womanhood. A need to be loved and to see the important people in our lives be happy is a deeply womanly piece of humanity. That is why the family issues are the absolute hardest for us to deal with. I've watched trans men find the courage to alienate their parents and know they may never speak to them again while the trans women in the room will cry passionately about possibly loosing the love of a brother or good friend. I abandoned my first transition many years ago because I was unloved and seemingly unlovable. Nobody seems to want to say it, but it's part of the "Welcome to Womanhood" package. But it's also part of the package to talk to others and find support and do what needs to be done. It's never fast or easy or clean. And the end result and goal can vary a lot. We just all have to try to do what is right for each of us.

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  2. Thank you Dianne. Are you now fully transitioned? And at what age?

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  3. I just transitioned at 52. And I do mean "just" transitioned. This last week was my first week at work and work was the last step of the first steps of a new life. So far it's been graceful but that's because all the pain and fear was worked through before hand over many many years. Find community and find someone you can talk to and you will do much better. You mentioned your Cis-gal friends and that sort of support is powerful. When it comes from other T-folks you can be totally open.

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