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revealing year coming...??

I feel (rightly or wrongly) that the following year will be pivotal for me in putting everything in perspective. Already only 4 months on my own has taught me a lot about myself and how my trans nature fits into the grand scheme. Hormones and certainly surgery appear to be off the table, however my living full time as Joanna could (and that's a big could) have me working as Joanna. The advantage being that I can still be a dad to my kids but also be true to the woman I am.

I would have to be certain and do my homework way in advance but it could be feasible. After all people at work need not know how far I would go in the process but merely respect that I'm transgender. I would have a private consult with HR and gauge the company's receptiveness. I do work for a very professional firm that values my experience but I would take nothing for granted. I would need a very clear green signal that all would be fine.
Alternatively, I could approach a new firm with the express idea of informing them in advance that part of my reason for switching to them would be for the purposes of having a smoother transition. Notice I do not say smooth!

Right now all this in pipe dream mode but I do reflect on it as it may become real at some point. Were I to dismiss outright I would miss the opportunity to do the valuable ground work. As an example, the work I have done on my voice is currently paying dividends. Same would apply to other areas such as hair removal (which I am currently completing). Planning, planning, planning is the way to go even if I end up not working as a woman.

All this reading has taught me at least that. As I have said before, this does not mean I will bulldoze through an agenda which I will regret later. There are far too many sad endings to our stories as trans folk.


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another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…