Skip to main content

something that needs addressing

Let's be clear. I have never been a fetish transvestite. The reason I think this is because the innocent crossdressing of my early youth was so completely devoid of any sexual overtones. It was only as I got older and it came unannounced that I became horrified and disgusted. There begins the cycle of embracing and purging that so many of us are familiar with. Other people just like me have transitioned or at least lived full time: Virginia Prince. Anne Lawrence, Susannah Valenti and others who may not have fit the mold of the classic TS model.

Maybe I should just be satisfied with this scenario and deal with it as I must since I think given my age and my life situation, it would be best to leave my body alone.

What is left now is to get just the right amount of professional help to aid me in my own thought process towards a measure of mental peace around this issue. To be happy somewhere between the closeted crossdresser and the transexual.

I am indebted to the treatment I underwent 5 years ago in helping to achieve self acceptance. Now I need to put a stopper on the desire to do something unnecessary and potentially wreckless. Whether it's paraphilia or not it no longer matters. It still needs to be treated somehow in the absence of an outright cure.

I would like to one day understand where this early fascination came from for me. Not because it will change anything but because it will be welcome information and perhaps vindication for someone who felt so bad for so long about doing something so unimportant.

Comments

  1. "Whether it's paraphilia or not it no longer matters. It still needs to be treated somehow in the absence of an outright cure."

    YUPP


    ReplyDelete
  2. Do you know how many sexual "fetishes" there are in the world?

    Do you know how many people DON'T feel guilt or shame about theirs?

    Fetishes are a normal part of the variances of human nature, most people see them for what they are, embrace them (within reason IE stopping before they make other people who aren't of the same inclination uncomfortable) and live long happy lives largely unaffected by them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The problem I have is that a fetish is stigmatizing and blames you for creating your situation. It makes one feel bad (at least it did me) when I did not create my disphoria. If I had consciously and out of the blue started dressing for kicks at 12 I'd accept the paraphilia explanation. Plus I do not dress to masturbate and never have. Anyway thanks for trying to help

    ReplyDelete
  4. Did I miss something?

    "One of the vestiges from my AG past that has remained with me is masturbation before removing the clothing."

    "I do not dress to masturbate and never have."

    Or am I just witnessing the machinations of denial?

    I do not mean to be unduly harsh here, but as I said before, your situation far exceeds the limits of my "dime store psychology", imposed by the constraints of a blog commentary.

    My suggstion to you is to look into the concept known as 'sexual target error'. This happens alot in pre-puberty childhood.

    Based on our conversations, I would have to agree with Van Buren. You most likely are not TS. Remember, transsexualism is extremely rare. It is more likely that you suffer from the much more common affliction known as GID, (Gender Identity Disorder). Because it is much more common and better understood, it is more likely that you will find a therapist fmiliar with it and that can provide you with a commonly accepted two year protocol to "fix" it.

    Again, Best of luck.

    AQV

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes I know I have GID I have been saying that all along!! I AM NOT A TS!! however at the same time I am NOT A fetish TV. anyway best of luck to both of you as well. I encourage you to keep in touch. I do appreciate the discourse... .

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…