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Sunday meeting with my ex....

I took the initiative to email my ex-girlfriend because I need either complete closure or to maybe open the door to a reconnect. That is if she'll have me back.

I have always been short tempered. During the time that I was questioning my gender plus dealing with raising my children and being in a relationship with a woman who never wanted and never had children, the challenges were many. My temper flared up on more than one occasion and although I was in love with her, in the end felt that her demands were coming into conflict with my parenting responsibilites as well as my desire to drive my feminine time onto a new plateau.

Now 5 months of alone time have affored me some perspective and I have been to the desert of my soul (so to speak). I am being cautious about things, but the way I feel today is better than I did when we broke up last June. I need to know whether reconciliation is possible and I don't want to permanently close off with her without knowing that there may still be a chance for us to be together. The fact that she has agreed to meet me on Sunday after explaining my rationale to her means to me that there may indeed be a chance for us as a couple. She knows and accepts Joanna (to some extent) is smart, beautiful and intelligent. She has her own needs too and sometimes my behavior during our three years together was less than stellar. Reflecting on all of this last night was a bit of a watershed moment for me.

So while I have no illusions about the future one way or another, I at least want to face her with the calmness of spirit that the past months have brought to me slowly. With the full knowledge that I will not transition and a better understanding of myself, I may be a better partner for her now. If not then at least I will have tried and failed with dignity and can close that chapter of my life with no regrets.

I look forward to our meeting again after not seeing her beautiful face for 5 whole months. It will be interesting to see how each of us reacts and reads the situation. I am old and hopefully wise enough to accept what the outcome needs to be.

Comments

  1. You both might want to have good look at this...

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/nov/02/my-husbands-sex-change

    ReplyDelete
  2. Another interesting read...

    http://zagria.blogspot.com/2012/12/gary-norton-1937-raf-architect.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+GenderVariantBiography+%28Gender+Variant+Biography%29

    ReplyDelete
  3. I read both articles. Second I had already read. I have no plans for a sex change either as I have stated. My wife left me because she was afraid and repulsed by my being trans and not because of a militant announcement on my part that I was going to be a woman. You have read my postings AQV and I surmise you understand this. The crossdressing will be my way to cope as I understand all too well I am a male with GID...thanks for the links....

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  4. I very much appreciate your input as you know...

    ReplyDelete
  5. What's also helping me control my disphoria is my successful interactions as a female in society. Without that I would be very depressed and this would be much much harder to manage...

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  6. I am not convinced that Ladin has actually changed his life/sex/gender to female. I think what he has done is to attempt a "successful interactions as a female in society".

    It was the manner of these "attempts" that his former wife was so mortally injured by. In Ladin's case, I see a great deal of selfishness and absolutely no empathy for the feelings of his former wife.

    My point in offering you these links is to provide examples of transitions gone wrong, that you might learn from the mistakes of others.

    ReplyDelete
  7. No that is clear and as I have said, even if I were interested in transition I would not at this point. I made a life decision to marry and have a family and I would not put my children through that. It's not just about YOU and your needs. I am well versed in these stories as I am with the successful ones....

    ReplyDelete
  8. My children will not be exposed to my female side either.

    ReplyDelete

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