Skip to main content

the mystery of relationships

Relationships are a complete mystery to me. Granted I have not had many but I feel that I am neither adept at finding the type of person that is suited to me nor good at knowing when things have soured and I am just hurting myself and should move on. I am always guilty of wanting relationships but now want desperately to rid myself of that desire. I would be swimming upstream against the current anyway so why bother making the effort. It has been written that if you work on yourself good things will come your way and you will attract what you deserve.

I have not been one to wait mind you. I want to control things and have a history of being judgemental. Also, to my advantage and simultaneously to my detriment, I have been given the mind of a thinker. That combination coupled with an unusual penchant for women's clothing makes me an unlikely catch for women. So I will stop trying even whilst the desire remains; a desire borne by our nature as social animals to want to love and be loved.

But what we think we want and what
we need are two different things in the end. Still when I find myself missing my previous relationship which shows that much work remains to be done on myself.

Comments

  1. "type of person that is suited to me"

    Who might that be?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have no idea QV but thanks for the prompt. I have too much personal baggage to sort through right now to even tackle that one....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmm....sounds like it might be time to clean house. You might start by airing out the Pink Fog and getting off the Kool Aid.

    ReplyDelete
  4. If by pink fog you mean bring trans I'm all ears AQV. Hasn't been much I have not tried. I guess because I'm not a true transexual I surmise that you feel I can just switch it off. I don't mean to be trite by saying that because I know you're trying to help...

    ReplyDelete
  5. The point was to say that the closer I get to an equilibrium point for ME the more it seems it contrasts sharply with what a woman would want. To return to holding my breath is no longer workable as I am at a different plateau and it would mean returning to my old level of stress and unhappiness. I am just mourning a little bit what I must give up in order to stay functional as an individual....

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…