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woman anyways....

I am at a point where, if there is to be no transition, what is left is to come to terms with my female nature. In my head I feel like a woman and if tomorrow you asked me to adapt to living as a female, I would do so in a heartbeat. Not many males on this planet would want that I reckon. In fact the vast majority would be devastated were it to happen to them.

The way I feel in my head is what counts for me at this point and the change of plumbing is not a prerequisite. So, as I have stated in a previous post, I guess I will remain a gender variant outlaw. I am already living as Joanna successfully so why rock the boat.

The other thing I have decided is to live completely honestly when it comes to the potential for one day meeting a soulmate. Should that ever happen, that person would need to accept the entire me. I would not throw Joanna away to try and fit someone's image of what a male should be. I am after all hardly conventional in that sense.

Last night I saw the film "Laurence anyways" which tells the bittersweet story of a transexual struggling to be true to who they are while trying to hold on to their soulmate. I won't reveal the ending but I recommend the film to any trans person most especially. The nature of the struggle is nicely portrayed. The film is in French but is subtitled. Well worth the effort in my opinion. Just as in real life, nothing is a given and we feel for all parties concerned; and as expected, life offers no easy answers.


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another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…