Skip to main content

a person first

In order to solve the riddle of my GID I really need to think of myself as a person first and as a gender affiliation second. I am neither fully female nor fully male but simply myself; a person created by God with a variation that makes me unable to conform to a stereotype or be slotted perfectly in either camp. This is something I've had to learn on my own for no one was able to teach it while I was growing up. I think every transgender person has this type of personal journey to travel in order to feel self love and be whole. Otherwise we're just constantly failing to measure up as brother, father or husband. This process of discovery can but not necessarily lead to full transition.

This time alone has afforded me to reflect upon the nature of my identity and tend to my damaged psyche. I feel increasingly peaceful and more able to tend to the challenges and my sense of self worth has benefited as well. It has shown up both in my work life and private life in the form of an internal beacon. I have now also started to let go of the idea that my life needs completion with a partner by my side. This notion is being dispelled although I will not close the door to unexpected discoveries should I come upon them. We all need a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives and challenges like being transgender make us stronger and more resilient to face the challenges of life. I no longer see my condition as plight but instead as a gift from God

My next target is to spend a mini vacation as joanna. I have never gone away and stayed in another city as a woman. Ideally I would like to be able to meet up with a friend while there and maybe have a nice dinner or other outing. This will happen around spring time and will likely amount to a long weekend just to keep costs down. Its been a number of years since I visited Toronto so that could be a likely target.


Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…