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my public face

My public face as a woman is one of a conservative and middle aged female. As some of you have seen from my pictures I am not into the sex kitten look but instead feel I am somehow a variation of my mother. Conservative pumps and pearl earrings are the order of the day for me. With the calming effect that repeated practice has brought me I can now focus on my feelings instead of how to conceal the fact that I am a biological male in disguise (to be clear I don't see myself that way but it is a literal fact). Inside I feel female and very very happy when I am out and about and it is this happiness that will ultimately prevent me from doing anything to my body.

It appears that my venturing into the world as joanna is going to suffice in satiating my gender disphoria. I am elated for this fact because my previous doubting was causing me a great deal of concern. Disphoria requires treatment and, as Jack Molay said recently in one of his blog entries, controlled crossdressing is a very good method. When I was caving into my desires to dress up I used to think myself weak and perverted but now I realize that I was simply following the clarion call of my personal makeup (or wiring). Once this is understood, the GID sufferer can take the means necessary to treat their condition. How succesful they are depends on how debilitated they are with guilt and shame. Those fortunate enough to be unburdened with any stigma can proceed to deal with their condition in a positive and constructive way. I can still consider myself relatively fortunate in that I have come to a balance point while still young enough to benefit from the improvement in my psyche and incorporate this into my daily life.

We sufferers of GID have been hampered by a judgemental society who fears and misunderstands us and in turn we succumb to self loathing for failing to measure up to expectation. The reality of course is that we were suffer from a very real condition and not from weak will. This personal discovery has been a saving grace.

I am sitting in a cafe as I write this. Sitting next to me are people going about their business oblivious to my situation. As far as they are concerned, I am just another woman and indeed they would be correct.

Comments

  1. What about those not so lucky who cannot easily pass.

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  2. I think this does go beyond passing. I am glad I do a lot of the tume but that would not stop me from what I need to do to manage this. Even when people do know I find that people are generally more understanding than they used to be

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am also not making an argument for not transitioning either. I think in many cases it is warranted and if the person will be happier by doing so then all the better. I would possibly be even happier living 24/7 but this is not the time in my life to find out as it would be too turbulent...

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