Skip to main content

another blog I like

I found a new blog yesterday that really touched me. I think it’s because it’s written by a person who expresses herself in ways I can really relate to. Her name is Charlotte and she is struggling to find peace and balance while living with her gender disphoria. Like me she is divorced and has two children that she loves.

http://lottiesjournal.blogspot.ca/

Charlotte sounds like a lovely person and I very much like the way she writes. It’s written in a very self effacing prose that really shows who she is underneath.

She has (as most of us do) a coloured history of malfunctioning relationships as she tries to reconcile her sense of identity with an attempt to form bonds with females who cannot cope with people like us. It’s simultaneously sad, touching and hopeful in how she deals with daily survival and love of family while grappling with a misconnection between body and mind. I intend to follow Charlotte’s blog from now on and see how she forges ahead with finding a semblance of normalcy in her life.

I also find a parallel to my own life in how she is hoping to find an alternate solution to outright transition; love of her two daughters being paramount in her decision to refrain from doing so.
Nobody ever said life would be easy. It’s just a little bit harder when you start off at a disadvantage and having this condition confuses us for the longest time.

On another note I happened to be on YouTube last night and came upon a video of two transgender women talking about what they called “autogynephobia”! I could not help but laugh a little because it was clear that they had not done any homework at all. Here they were deriding Blanchard without even the remotest understanding of what he was theorizing about. I’m not defending the theory but there are aspects that have merit and the critique I heard was completely off the mark. We need to understand before we criticize.

Also while on YouTube I came upon Paul McCartney performing “Blackbird”. Not only is it a beautiful song but I think it fits transgender people well. To borrow a phrase from the song: “All your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free”

Comments

  1. Problem with Blanchard's theory is that it applies equally to all women (trans or not) thus every single girl who wants to be a beauty queen, wears cosmetics and pretty clothes, or asks for plastic surgery would be suffering from an alleged 'mental disorder'.
    OTOH many feminists are in denial and loathing of their femininity, so #autogynophobia has become a prevalent condition in modern society.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

a blending

An interesting thing is happening to me: as I have fully embraced being transgender my male and female anima are becoming blended. The female side is no longer an unwelcome appendage which, as a result, has allowed me to craft a more genuine and happier male image.

I dress when I want to and sometimes I cut outings shorter than before. I am my own master in this regard and feel in control.

Don't get me wrong in that the dysphoria is not going away and is sometimes like a wild stallion that threatens to jump the fence but I have learnt to understand it’s demands after all these years hence a transition for me is definitely not in the cards. At this point I am not even foreseeing a social one.

The two sides are no longer in conflict and they are now intertwined to create a fusion that is unique to me. That answer finally came when I reached a full level of self assurance about who I am and learned to embrace that I am trans and yes, that includes my dysphoria's erotic undertones…