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complete honesty

We need to be totally honest with ourselves about who we are. Without complete honesty and a lack of guilt of shame we cannot continue to lead healthy lives. Let’s face it our transgender nature is not going away any time soon so we might as well get on with the program as things are. By being honest with yourself you can be honest with others and in the process feel a sense of relief that you are living life without anything to hide. This is probably the biggest hurdle we face as transgender people.


When the time comes to tell someone it should also exclude a sense of shame or guilt about who you are. After all we did not choose to be this way. We did not choose to be this way anymore than we chose our eye colour or our height. But for decades we persist in thinking that through behaviour modification, we can eradicate all traces of our condition. Eventually the message gets through but not after having suffered the slings and arrows of self doubt and depression that comes from failing to adhere to our own self imposed prison of discipline. “We must never dress again” we tell ourselves but things only seem to intensify with time. It’s only when we realize that we don’t need to fight our own natures that we can actually tend to facing who we are in a realistic manner.

If I want to accomplish anything with my blog it’s that – to impart to any who read it that you are not alone and that you should not feel guilt for being who you are.

I could now never be with anyone who does not accept who I am fully. This does not mean that I would not compromise my behaviour slightly in order to please that other person. However I would not apologize for needing to dress and express who I am even if that person did not desire to participate in my activities as Joanna.

As a result of all this reflection, I am even closer to defining my limits and where I sit on the transgender scale. I am not a closet dresser content to stay at home, nor am I the once a month outing crossdresser who goes to meetings or drag shows with other TGs. I am more of a gender variant hybrid between male and female who (very likely) will remain biologically male but will express myself in the world as both.

It’s becoming simpler to find my comfort zone and in so doing I am honing in on my true sense of self.

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“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

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She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

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Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

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Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

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Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…