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of Zucker and repairist theories...

Ken Zucker does reparative therapy on children under 10 years of age to dissuade them from adopting an identity counter to their birth gender. For many parents who are trying to do the right thing in raising their children this becomes a viable path to explore. For others it means allowing their child to explore who they are and after consulting a therapist letting the natural inclination of the child to govern. If their child shows sufficient tenacity in their choice of gender identity then they are allowed in some cases to transition. I must admit that I do find some validity in both approaches although Zucker's reparative approach is more about repressing the child's natural inclination which may or may not represent a phase. Every parent wants the best for their offspring and desires for them a healthy and productive life and with this issue being so elementary to their core identity it needs to be focused on with great care. To make an error here could represent dire consequences in the life of their child and making an error in favor of one gender or another increase the chances they will suffer social stigma, depression, etc. So not an issue to take lightly.

I remember well my own initial steps towards the other gender and how they were discouraged. How I became a tranvestite (call me whatever you want) is still a complete mystery to me but it would be interesting to see what would have occurred had my mother not discouraged my gender play at such a tender age. Might that have actually quashed my later fascination with dressing up and satiated it early on? I will never know the answer to that question. But the question does enter my mind on occasion as I try and piece together my strategy for the next stretch of my life. All of my reading, my gender therapy as well as discussions with other trans people have not provided any more clarity since this is such a personal and ultimately private experience.

It is the ultimate question is it not? Does one go with their natural inclinations or does one suppress to fit one's birth gender. A question I am still wrestling with and likely will be for the rest of my life.


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Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

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feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

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Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…