Skip to main content

some guidelines to follow

What’s left for me to determine now is this: is it possible for someone to truly be dual spirited and live this way for the rest of their lives? This is a question I have not answered adequately and until I do I will not be truly comfortable with my current lifestyle.

I feel I am struggling instead of just living one day at a time and discovering myself as I go. This is unfortunately part of my nature. I seem to need certainty and control, but there is none of that here instead a lot of greys.

It’s interesting to note that after a particularly wonderful day like yesterday, when I was able to spend the day fully en femme, I still come down to earth with a small thud. Yes I am giving myself a break and trying not to be too self punishing but the elements of small guilt are still there. That’s not going to be workable if I feel bad about being who I am. Therefore there is still work to be done.

I mean its simple right? My GID is going nowhere and there is (to my knowledge) no known cure. So I need to manage it and the only way I know how is to cross dress. Without this escape valve I would be far more tempted to transition. The pressure would just build and build.

So I am in a period of discovery and am on an ocean with no known port of call to aim for. I have only a set of guidelines I am following (not in order of importance):

• My GID is not curable
• I need to less tough on myself and be more forgiving
• I need to let go and let God work in my life
• I need to have my kids welfare be my main focus
• I need to find balance my male and female sides
• I need to fully give up on the idea of a relationship

I am having the most difficulty with the second and the last one.

The second one will take a bit of time and I will eventually succeed with it.

The relationship instinct is like a reflex because its human nature to love and be loved. My situation, however, is just not workable because it runs counter current to the expectations of the opposite sex. I would be spending a lot of time compromising and justifying my natural instincts and activity to someone who would be incapable of understanding. Even someone as sympathetic as my ex girlfriend could not live with a person like me as I fell short of her expectations for a normal male partner.

I will eventually let this last one sink in as well.

Comments

  1. Joanna -

    --My GID is not curable--

    Why cure it? If anything, society has more of a problem with gender than we have....

    --I need to less tough on myself and be more forgiving--

    Judge yourself by the same standards which you judge others, and how you'd want to be judged given their circumstances. If you follow this idea, you'll cut others slack when they need it - and begin to cut yourself slack when you need it.

    --I need to let go and let God work in my life--

    I'm not religious. But letting go, and having faith that things will work out is a good thing.

    --I need to have my kids welfare be my main focus--

    Within limits.... Parents should always put their kids first. But if you neglect your needs, you'll self destruct - and that will harm your kids.

    --I need to find balance my male and female sides--

    Don't we all? On your days off from work, ask yourself - do you want to be a male or female for the day? Pay attention to the feelings you have. Listen to what your gut is telling you.

    --I need to fully give up on the idea of a relationship--

    No.... Do not give up. Instead, use the personal ads to find love. Consider putting your female picture out there, and say in the ad that you have GID - then see what happens. I'll bet that you will get some bites.

    --I am having the most difficulty with the second and the last one. --

    Understood. But it's normal....

    --The second one will take a bit of time and I will eventually succeed with it.--

    Good. But what about a relationship?

    --The relationship instinct is like a reflex because its human nature to love and be loved. My situation, however, is just not workable because it runs counter current to the expectations of the opposite sex.--

    Not all.... I've met women who are intrigued. Mind you, they are in the minority, but they do exist.

    --I would be spending a lot of time compromising and justifying my natural instincts and activity to someone who would be incapable of understanding.--

    Then advertise for someone who would understand.

    --Even someone as sympathetic as my ex girlfriend could not live with a person like me as I fell short of her expectations for a normal male partner.--

    What did she expect? What did she tell you? If you place the right personal ad, you can address those concerns before any women even answer your ad - and they will not be surprized by your GID when they meet you.

    Marian

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marian thank you so much for your very positive and encouraging post! I actually truly and honestly do not want to search. I would rather stay open maybe and who knows possibly run into a beautiful soul who can look past my GID. I used to search and it works against me. Desperation and neediness just gets you into trouble anyway. I will be happy on my own and my sense of connectedness to my own being may attract the right intelligent woman.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…