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some guidelines to follow

What’s left for me to determine now is this: is it possible for someone to truly be dual spirited and live this way for the rest of their lives? This is a question I have not answered adequately and until I do I will not be truly comfortable with my current lifestyle.

I feel I am struggling instead of just living one day at a time and discovering myself as I go. This is unfortunately part of my nature. I seem to need certainty and control, but there is none of that here instead a lot of greys.

It’s interesting to note that after a particularly wonderful day like yesterday, when I was able to spend the day fully en femme, I still come down to earth with a small thud. Yes I am giving myself a break and trying not to be too self punishing but the elements of small guilt are still there. That’s not going to be workable if I feel bad about being who I am. Therefore there is still work to be done.

I mean its simple right? My GID is going nowhere and there is (to my knowledge) no known cure. So I need to manage it and the only way I know how is to cross dress. Without this escape valve I would be far more tempted to transition. The pressure would just build and build.

So I am in a period of discovery and am on an ocean with no known port of call to aim for. I have only a set of guidelines I am following (not in order of importance):

• My GID is not curable
• I need to less tough on myself and be more forgiving
• I need to let go and let God work in my life
• I need to have my kids welfare be my main focus
• I need to find balance my male and female sides
• I need to fully give up on the idea of a relationship

I am having the most difficulty with the second and the last one.

The second one will take a bit of time and I will eventually succeed with it.

The relationship instinct is like a reflex because its human nature to love and be loved. My situation, however, is just not workable because it runs counter current to the expectations of the opposite sex. I would be spending a lot of time compromising and justifying my natural instincts and activity to someone who would be incapable of understanding. Even someone as sympathetic as my ex girlfriend could not live with a person like me as I fell short of her expectations for a normal male partner.

I will eventually let this last one sink in as well.

Comments

  1. Joanna -

    --My GID is not curable--

    Why cure it? If anything, society has more of a problem with gender than we have....

    --I need to less tough on myself and be more forgiving--

    Judge yourself by the same standards which you judge others, and how you'd want to be judged given their circumstances. If you follow this idea, you'll cut others slack when they need it - and begin to cut yourself slack when you need it.

    --I need to let go and let God work in my life--

    I'm not religious. But letting go, and having faith that things will work out is a good thing.

    --I need to have my kids welfare be my main focus--

    Within limits.... Parents should always put their kids first. But if you neglect your needs, you'll self destruct - and that will harm your kids.

    --I need to find balance my male and female sides--

    Don't we all? On your days off from work, ask yourself - do you want to be a male or female for the day? Pay attention to the feelings you have. Listen to what your gut is telling you.

    --I need to fully give up on the idea of a relationship--

    No.... Do not give up. Instead, use the personal ads to find love. Consider putting your female picture out there, and say in the ad that you have GID - then see what happens. I'll bet that you will get some bites.

    --I am having the most difficulty with the second and the last one. --

    Understood. But it's normal....

    --The second one will take a bit of time and I will eventually succeed with it.--

    Good. But what about a relationship?

    --The relationship instinct is like a reflex because its human nature to love and be loved. My situation, however, is just not workable because it runs counter current to the expectations of the opposite sex.--

    Not all.... I've met women who are intrigued. Mind you, they are in the minority, but they do exist.

    --I would be spending a lot of time compromising and justifying my natural instincts and activity to someone who would be incapable of understanding.--

    Then advertise for someone who would understand.

    --Even someone as sympathetic as my ex girlfriend could not live with a person like me as I fell short of her expectations for a normal male partner.--

    What did she expect? What did she tell you? If you place the right personal ad, you can address those concerns before any women even answer your ad - and they will not be surprized by your GID when they meet you.

    Marian

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marian thank you so much for your very positive and encouraging post! I actually truly and honestly do not want to search. I would rather stay open maybe and who knows possibly run into a beautiful soul who can look past my GID. I used to search and it works against me. Desperation and neediness just gets you into trouble anyway. I will be happy on my own and my sense of connectedness to my own being may attract the right intelligent woman.

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