Skip to main content

Controlling your thought process

I was telling my children yesterday about how important it is to control your thought process. Thinking positively and feeling good about your abilities goes a long way towards establishing your self confidence as a human being.

I was saying all this in the context of trying to deal with my son’s recent battle with anxiety.

I am trying to help him along without appearing preachy or condescending. After all, I lived with a fair bit of anxiety for most of my life. Having gender disphoria and not feeling like you could discuss it with anyone was quite the handful for me. I also tend towards a natural level of innate tension which hums along within me at all times. I am just accustomed to it by now.

Having my son know about my crossdressing has helped me to explain my life experience in a very up close and personal way. He now better understands how his father dealt with a heavy personal issue and was able to come to grips with it over a long period of time. His own anxiety, which is partially fed from his burgeoning foray into puberty plus feeling isolated in a new high school, will hopefully not take decades to resolve. So there is some positive in him having been told sooner than I wanted about my struggles with my gender identity.

Both my children have also been made aware of the importance of understanding that people are born with many conditions. Whether you are gay, transgendered, handicapped, etc there is grace and validity in the full spectrum of the human condition. This is another great plus for me in having them know about me.

God has given me some wonderful gifts but I have also been given some challenges. I can turn those challenges around in a sense to now help other people. For now this is my children and some others that I have shared my thoughts with on websites or through this blog. If that sounds presumptuous I don’t mean it to. I really want to share with others some of the insight I have gained over the last 50 years that I have been on this earth.

Dealing with my GID in a positive way has been like removing a splinter from my foot. You get used to having that splinter buried in your skin and living daily with the pain. It’s only after you remove and it and you realize what life can truly be like.

It really is a remarkable difference even as I am aware there is still more work to do.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

a blending

An interesting thing is happening to me: as I have fully embraced being transgender my male and female anima are becoming blended. The female side is no longer an unwelcome appendage which, as a result, has allowed me to craft a more genuine and happier male image.

I dress when I want to and sometimes I cut outings shorter than before. I am my own master in this regard and feel in control.

Don't get me wrong in that the dysphoria is not going away and is sometimes like a wild stallion that threatens to jump the fence but I have learnt to understand it’s demands after all these years hence a transition for me is definitely not in the cards. At this point I am not even foreseeing a social one.

The two sides are no longer in conflict and they are now intertwined to create a fusion that is unique to me. That answer finally came when I reached a full level of self assurance about who I am and learned to embrace that I am trans and yes, that includes my dysphoria's erotic undertones…