Skip to main content

my transition

Have I effectively transitioned? - In a sense yes. However, it has been more of a mental transition than a physical one and, for the purposes of how I intend to live my life hence forth, the best kind.

I was thinking about this the other day while having a coffee with Leticia.

Leticia works at a dress shop in a north end mall and I met her quite happenstance while browsing in her store one day. She is from South America so we hit it off right away. She now knows me as the mother of 2 teens and because she has 3 girls of her own we’ve had had much to talk about.
So there I was the other day sitting in that same mall over having a heart to heart with her about my son going through his recent bout of anxiety. And then it really struck me – how far I had come in my comfort and presentation as a female. So many people now know me as a genetic woman and don’t know anything different proving that so much is about presentation, expressiveness and gestures. But much more than that it is about how you feel and perceive yourself to be. It’s never been about breasts or a vagina.

This is where it begins to click into place for me.

I was under close scrutiny for an hour with Leticia. Yes I am tall and have large hands but she understands that I am a woman and treats me as such. Her eyes give no hint of hesitation and she addresses me in the feminine tense at all times. I relax even further understanding even more that I am not really putting on an act for her. I am simply reflecting my true self to her and she welcomes the aura that I am projecting.
I have come a long way since my fledgling days as a fearful young cross dresser; but it needs to be this way. The process of self discovery is long and arduous and the lessons take time to absorb. Here is what I have learnt:

• Be yourself
• Love yourself as God has created you
• Accept with humility and dignity your gift of the feminine and embrace it
• Never ingest and internalize guilt or shame
• Understand that you have a right to be treated with respect and dignity
• Be proud of who you are
• Strive to be a role model for the transgender

The last one I have not yet begun in earnest. In my eager attempts to prove that I could present a believable and passable image to the world, I negated to reveal that I was not a genetic female to my acquaintances. I also told them that I was a wife and mother when I had a chance to do otherwise. In the future, I plan to proceed differently and begin to wear my transgender nature as a badge of honour.

I no longer have anything to prove to myself. I am almost at the end of my long road to freedom of spirit and it feels good to finally be me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…