I was thinking about this the other day while having a coffee with Leticia.
Leticia works at a dress shop in a north end mall and I met her quite happenstance while browsing in her store one day. She is from South America so we hit it off right away. She now knows me as the mother of 2 teens and because she has 3 girls of her own we’ve had had much to talk about.
So there I was the other day sitting in that same mall over having a heart to heart with her about my son going through his recent bout of anxiety. And then it really struck me – how far I had come in my comfort and presentation as a female. So many people now know me as a genetic woman and don’t know anything different proving that so much is about presentation, expressiveness and gestures. But much more than that it is about how you feel and perceive yourself to be. It’s never been about breasts or a vagina.
This is where it begins to click into place for me.
I was under close scrutiny for an hour with Leticia. Yes I am tall and have large hands but she understands that I am a woman and treats me as such. Her eyes give no hint of hesitation and she addresses me in the feminine tense at all times. I relax even further understanding even more that I am not really putting on an act for her. I am simply reflecting my true self to her and she welcomes the aura that I am projecting.
I have come a long way since my fledgling days as a fearful young cross dresser; but it needs to be this way. The process of self discovery is long and arduous and the lessons take time to absorb. Here is what I have learnt:
• Be yourself
• Love yourself as God has created you
• Accept with humility and dignity your gift of the feminine and embrace it
• Never ingest and internalize guilt or shame
• Understand that you have a right to be treated with respect and dignity
• Be proud of who you are
• Strive to be a role model for the transgender
The last one I have not yet begun in earnest. In my eager attempts to prove that I could present a believable and passable image to the world, I negated to reveal that I was not a genetic female to my acquaintances. I also told them that I was a wife and mother when I had a chance to do otherwise. In the future, I plan to proceed differently and begin to wear my transgender nature as a badge of honour.
I no longer have anything to prove to myself. I am almost at the end of my long road to freedom of spirit and it feels good to finally be me.