Skip to main content

the dreaded spectre of exceptionalism...

I have said this before and I know that some people hate me for it but I don’t believe in transexuality in the sense that one is really is a woman born in the wrong body. I do however believe in gender disphoria as a very real condition. In other words, the extreme disphoric needs to transition in order to stay sane but not because he was always a woman; If he were a woman he would have been born a woman. I of course exclude hermaphrodites or others born with both sets of genitalia for example.

GID is a pre existing condition that requires treatment and the fact that the treatment sometimes requires GRS I have absolutely no problem with. Whether GID is brought about by a wash of chemicals before birth or whatever the reason, it is very much a real thing.

I firmly believe that all transgender people suffer from disphoria with the only difference being the degree that the feelings are present and are debilitating. This is why we see such a wide variation in the way transgender people lead their lives.

So it’s not like there are the true transsexuals and then everyone else. There are only GID sufferers.

Many exceptionalists state that they knew early on and then proceeded to transition before the age of 25 and voila they corrected the error of their genetic birth. But usually there is more to the story than that because your sexual orientation and family sensitivity to the issue play a massive role in the process.

If you are a 12 year old gender disphoric and are attracted to girls you have a problem. You have a conflicting dichotomy and a dilemma that is not obvious from your vantage point. You desperately love women but you also want to be like women. If you ever transition you are far more likely to do it later in life only after you have struggled to rid yourself of your disphoria so you can try and lead a normal life. This is because when many of us were younger we earnestly believed that our condition was curable or in some cases was merely a fetish.

If you like boys to begin with, things are a little different. Given a choice between being a gender disphoric gay male and a straight woman, the choice becomes a little less complicated. I would definitely choose the latter and would have asked my parents long ago for the operation.

What bothers me is that there are websites out there that go out of their way to disparage late transitioners on the basis that they married and had children. Well guess what? So did a lot of gay males trying to cure themselves but that did not make them any less gay. In both cases you are dealing with denial and denial can be a very powerful thing.

I don’t deny anyone the right to transition and am an ally in their right to obtain the surgery if they feel they need it. What I am not in favour of is discrimination within our community because essentially we are all suffering from the same condition.

I don’t think that disabled people spend as much time and effort arguing amongst themselves as transgender people do and it really is a shame.


Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…