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the well meaning but obtuse...

My sister C is a lovely person. She is full of love for God and family and is very well meaning. I love her dearly.

We were close when we were younger because we are back to back in the family pecking order and we were able to share a lot of our feelings and ideas when we were younger.

This is not so much the case today as we have drifted apart due to physical distance (she lives 3000 km away) but also with the varying experience of life and where our respective journeys have taken us.

She has been (in her own way) trying to help me deal with my GID in the only way she knows how; namely through the forwarding of information she finds on the net and through her prayers for me. Occasionally, the link she sends points to a very valid website (such as Cris Pagani’s) but often she points me to some religious crackpot who has made up their own reality and neither understands firsthand the condition nor cares to. They simply spew their own drivel to anyone who cares to listen; hopefully not some young confused disphoric who tries to hold their breath. I can tell them now that it wont work.

Like many well meaning and dogmatic religious people, she is not able to fully comprehend the complexity of this issue and she struggles to understand how I cannot have a greater control over my behaviour. She goes after the crossdressing not understanding that it is my only lifeline in suppressing my desire to transition. Without it I would already be going literally insane by this point.

It is not about the crossdressing but about the GID and she misses the boat completely.

If one accepts the fact that GID is a condition one is born with, and after decades of reading and personal reflection I certainly do, then one is only left with how to grapple with its effects. It typically worsens with increasing age so the disphoric needs to find ways to prevent the condition from taking over their life completely. In its extreme form, the GID sufferer will commit suicide rather than spend another day in their incorrect gender. Of course the well meaning civilian will never comprehend this and, if they are already predisposed to believe that these conditions are a life choice, will not accept that you cannot simply stop your behaviour altogether.

Approximately one in four transgender people have attempted or commit suicide. This is a startling, mind boggling statistic but it does not surprise me. The amount of societal, family and personal rejection one experiences can be devastating. My own lifeline has been the type of upbringing that my parents gave which gave me some tools to grapple with the effects of this condition.

Make no mistake that, although I myself have no current plans to transition, I fully support anyone who feels they must do so to save their own lives. This is a very real condition which, if it were any more advanced in me, would oblige me to begin my own physical transition in order to buy some mental peace.


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“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

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She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

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Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

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Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

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Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…