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there's surely a meaning...

I was looking over really old emails between myself and N from 2009 and they were making feel a little nostaligic. The tone of the texts were so full of promise and happiness. They were full of what could have been.

It's so interesting where life takes us sometimes. We just never know where we're going to land. It's like being in a movie where the plot shifts and turns and nothing seems in any way predictable.

If you had asked me decades ago where I pictured my life going, I would never have imagined where I would be today and how much my disphoria would have had a hand in shaping my destiny.

I watched a brief film about the life of Katherine Cummings this morning and it made me feel sad. She loved her family but her disphoria was too powerful. So faced at age 52 with suicide versus transition, she chose to forge ahead with her GRS. There was a poignancy in the video and a measureable loneliness in her that came through as she spoke.

If there is a meaning to our suffering, then I suppose it will have been worthwhile in the end. Sometimes its not always clear that such meaning exists for me.

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