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where I'm standing

I am fascinated with my ever increasing comfort presenting as Joanna.

This Friday I will be meeting Sabrina for coffee. She is a young lady I befriended at a Starbucks some months ago. We would engage in banter as she prepared my coffee and I shared some of my feelings about my son’s then impending anxiety problems. She was also an anxiety sufferer, so as it turned out, we had even more to talk about.

Last time I was there she told me it was her last day and we ended up exchanging cell numbers.

At times it feels like my life is slowly but surely building towards full time living and, although it may not become a reality, I am prepared that it could go that route. My children would be older and almost on their own and I could still play the male role in their presence; especially if I have neither hormone therapy nor surgery. So this leaves me a lot of elbow room when it comes to life options.

So I have definitely crossed a divide where I now have not the least bit of hesitation presenting myself as a woman to the world. I should never have had the slightest hesitation either because every time I attempted it I was always successful. It was only when my confidence took a hit and I showed my discomfort that people took notice that something was wrong. I know better today and have slayed that particular dragon.

So my life is wide open and as I finally shed myself of the last vestiges of depression from my break up with N, I can really begin to see a life full of hope and potential.

It really feels good to be where I am right now. No life is perfect but mine is so much better than it’s ever been before.

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love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…