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where I'm standing

I am fascinated with my ever increasing comfort presenting as Joanna.

This Friday I will be meeting Sabrina for coffee. She is a young lady I befriended at a Starbucks some months ago. We would engage in banter as she prepared my coffee and I shared some of my feelings about my son’s then impending anxiety problems. She was also an anxiety sufferer, so as it turned out, we had even more to talk about.

Last time I was there she told me it was her last day and we ended up exchanging cell numbers.

At times it feels like my life is slowly but surely building towards full time living and, although it may not become a reality, I am prepared that it could go that route. My children would be older and almost on their own and I could still play the male role in their presence; especially if I have neither hormone therapy nor surgery. So this leaves me a lot of elbow room when it comes to life options.

So I have definitely crossed a divide where I now have not the least bit of hesitation presenting myself as a woman to the world. I should never have had the slightest hesitation either because every time I attempted it I was always successful. It was only when my confidence took a hit and I showed my discomfort that people took notice that something was wrong. I know better today and have slayed that particular dragon.

So my life is wide open and as I finally shed myself of the last vestiges of depression from my break up with N, I can really begin to see a life full of hope and potential.

It really feels good to be where I am right now. No life is perfect but mine is so much better than it’s ever been before.

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