Skip to main content

a sin?

I definitely want to stabilize at where I am now. The only issue is that I seem to enjoy being Joanna every day. So coming home for me in the evening is a automatic change into my female clothing and step out for a bit. That want seems to have become a need and I do fret sometimes that it seems to be compulsory. Of course I do live alone and have no one to report to so it’s that much easier. However there have been many days when I have told myself I will not dress that evening only to find I will break that promise. Does it matter that much? Not really.

On another note, one of my well meaning sisters sent me a link to a website that talks about 12 steps to curing crossdressing. I took it well and it made me laugh a bit as I read it because this is the kind of site I would go to years back in that attempt to find that elusive “fix”.

I now know that I am not a crossdresser but use my cross gender expression to manage my disphoria. This is an important distinction because right now without my crossdressing, I would almost certainly transition.

When I was younger, I did not know I was gender disphoric, but also did not dress at all that much since I was trying to suppress it as much as I could. Sites like this one gave me food for thought then but of course were of no help to me.

I did read through the entire post and it clearly was more aimed at people who are sexually addicted to crossdressing but have no gender disphoria to speak of. These are people for whom crossdressing as a purely sexual activity and they are impaired somehow by their addiction.

But I was disappointed at the lack of nuance since there was no distinction made as to what the objective of the site was. In other words, they talked about curing crossdressing in general but were a young confused transgender to stumble upon the site they would be further confused by their insistence that crossdressing equals sin.

I was once one of those confused transgender youths looking for answers and a site like this one brought only more frustration. Their “pray the gay away” suggestions were completely useless for a person like me. So I posted on their page to please be careful to make a distinction about their audience. Saying crossdressing is a sin in every case is the same thing as saying being transsexual is a sin which make absolutely no sense to me. Why would God make you a certain way and then chastise you for being yourself?

Someone responded to my remarks and asked what I thought about what Deuteronomy said about crossdressing. At times like that I just scratch my head and think: “faith without intelligence”


  1. Joanna,
    I have looked at the Deuteronomy verse and also have read what others have said about it. In my view that verse has nothing to do with cross dressing or with anyone being gender disphoric. It has been used by people to put down CD/TG people. I think they are wrong.

    I do think that the only person that knows that I am a cross dresser is my wife. At some point I may bring this up with my younger brother. Why him? He is an ordained Deacon in the Catholic Church. He does not know that I cross dress. When he was ordained he selected a special mission or calling for his focus and outreach. His selection was to work on welcoming LGBT people into the church. His special mission is to make people who in some manner or other have LGBT issues feel welcome in the Catholic Church.

    I also recently heard Cardinal Dolan talk on the subject. His approach was open and welcoming.

    I follow several blogs and I read what I can about CD/TG issues. I get distressed when some writers take cheap shots at Catholics or conservatives. It strikes me that if we want tolerance from others that we need to exercise tolerance in how we speak about others.


  2. You are right pat in that the discourse must be civil but I suffered at the hands of misguided religious wingnuts and although I am myself religious you need to exercise common sense and judgement when you weigh things instead of reading deutoronomy with your brain switched off...I was civil when I posted there I assure you! Thanks for your feedback as usual...

  3. My brain is turned on. How do you "interpret", Deuteronomy?

    Deuteronomy 22:5 says

    'The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.'

  4. AQV I don't and that's the point. According to the old testament all trans people, homosexuals are all abominations, methuselah was 900 years old and the world was created in exactly 7 days. The point I am trying to make is that being an old testament literalist is not going to get you very far with complex issues that require deeper and more complex interpretation. Better to look to the new testament for a message of forgiveness and God's love.

  5. Joanna, this posting of yours is now old. And I don't remember if I responded to your comment or not. So I will now. At times on my site I do have a lot of nuance but just not in every post. I realize that there is a difference between gender dysphoria and crossdressing as a sexual addiction. But you can nuance it out to 20 different categories of people, or at times you can talk more generally. I talk more generally much of the time, because the fact is most people do not fit neatly into 1 category. Myself for example, it was mostly about a sexual addiction, but there was at least some gender dysphoria and identity confusion as well. Some people it starts as the sexual addiction and turns into the gender dysphoria and sex change. It's just so different for so many people that I often speak in general terms. Further, many of the things I talk about I believe apply to all of those different groups of people. I hope that explains it a bit more.

    I do not believe in a "pray the gay away" approach. I talk about that somewhat here -

  6. I appreciate your feedback Thorin! this post is old and my mindset has changed very much since then but thank you for posting!....Joanna

  7. If I may ask, what is your new mindset that differs from this posting?

  8. I have since realized that I am now and always have been a gender dysphoric person from a very early age. For me dressing is not sexual addiction but is tied to an internal identity. You could say I am borderline transsexual but I have decided that transition is not something I wish to pursue.


Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...