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can't leave well enough alone...

I'm probably just stubborn and a glutton for punishment but there's something that does not fit in this little scientific head of mine.

If I am to believe transsexual exceptionalists like AQV, I now have to explain not one but two types of transitions. One valid and early and man loving; one invalid, late and woman loving. Apparently there is no connection between them. Scientifically this makes no sense.

Firstly, transitions like AQV's have no actual scientific explaination. There is no genetic marker, brain difference or DNA evidence to support the idea their claim that they are actually women. They are women because every fiber of their being tells them but that is hardly proof of anything. Where does this compulsion come from? We do not currently know.

It should be noted that what i have just stated, applies to both ETs and LTs.

But let's follow this through. Should there in theory be any difference between gender disphorics in prepubescence? I don't believe so. In other words, it is the onset of puberty that helps you determine your sexual orientation. So here you are with a severe disconnect between your physical body and your mental perception of your own gender. To make matters worse you are all the more convinced because, lo and behold, you fancy boys. It then becomes all the more imperative to fix this problem.


What I have just stated is not just my opinion, but the latest in current thinking among gender researchers.

I can't speak for others but given the severity of my disphoria and if I had been oriented towards men by grade 6, there is no question in my mind that it would be a fully transitioned woman writing these words today.

I held off on my marriage until I was 32, all the while knowing something was wrong. I envied and wanted to be like other women but also was attracted to them. Oops! In the pre internet era of the 1970's and burdened with severe Catholic orthodoxy, I had a problem. It was really hard to make sense but not knowing anything about even the possibility of surgical and hormonal intervention, I suffered in silence.

In addition, due to my disphoria I had enormous difficulty impregnating my wife. I married and fathered children because I was expected to; not because I decided to take on male priviledge. How many heterosexual men line up for sex change surgery every year? A mere pittance. Why not? because they are perfectly content in their male identity.

From day one I never have.

This will be among the last of my posts addressing the science of gender reassignment and will just focus on my personal life.

Until such time as I see much more compelling evidence to the contrary I will continue to believe in the disorder known as GID as the unifying condition which afflicts all transsexuals. It is an unexplained abnormality for which science currently has no explaination. I continue to strongly support transitions on the basis that I understand through my own suffering how debilitating it can be to live with this condition and I applaud all efforts to deal with it as early as possible in life.


  1. The argument for "We are all the same".

    Let's see. Mid '70's. No Internet Access. Check.

    I was out of college and finally understanding that I could no longer survive lying to myself and others and pretending to be a man.

    jS, currently mid-40's must have been all of about what 3-6 years old? I was never that good at math.

    Catholic Orthodoxy: Check Yes, I was raised Catholic. In fact I attended Catholic School grades 1-12.

    First Married: jS? First married age 32. Fathered, (with difficulty), two great kids. I married my first husband in 1975. No children.

    Gee. I guess there must have been some info available way back then. I guess you just needed to seek it out. I wonder how much info was available by the time jS finally decided to get married at age 32? That must have been about 2001 or '02?

    Yes I guess there must be some validity to these allegations that we are all the same, (only different).

    I am more than happy to agree to disagree. You believe that sexual orientation is a crucial determinant. I disagree. Recent findings in the Netherlands, where the treatment of transsexualism in children has been ongoing for decades, clearly proves that the sexual orientation of post -op women follows the same distribution found in natally born women.

    I guess my advice is to stop trying to find the answer to why or how. What matters is, what now?

  2. I agree with that last statement and the answer is I don't know.

    Again orientation is important because androphilic transsexuals do in fact transition sooner.

    I am not attacking the messenger just some of the ideas.

    I was married in 1996 and was in complete and total denial. I buried everything as deep as I could. The internet started to take off around 1995 and was barely in its infancy..

    I restate whether early or late everyone has a valid story. I don't want mine to end in transition if I can help it....

  3. I am 50 years old not mid forties....

  4. You also keep saying I have your email but I don't. Mine is

  5. One term that I have heard bandied about is 'gender fluid'. I think that the concept behind this term is that there are stronger and looser connections that many of us have to the two distinct defined genders. I also think that many of us are fluid within ourselves in that our degree of gender yens are rarely constant. In my case there are times when the 'pink fog' is stronger than at other times. Some times I really, really have the need to dress. Other times it is not so strong. The yens just seem to ebb and flow.
    All week I had been telling my wife that I really would be using Sunday afternoon as a dressing session.
    We had things to do that day until mid afternoon. After that I was free to dress. I kept delaying it. I came up with one thing after the other to do and finally did not get around to changing into partial 'Pat' mode until well into the evening.

    I mention all of this in support of the premise that trying to find a 'one size fits all' definition just does not work for me. Trying to define where things sit on the gender spectrum is a bit like trying to create sculpture with jello. It is about as easy a task as herding cats.

    My approach is take things one day at a time. I agree that perhaps we should just deal with what we face when we face it and stop burning energy trying to squeeze what you are into a rigid box.



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When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...