Skip to main content

final acceptance

Even though I read and participate in the transgender community through the internet I have deliberately avoided actual physical contact with others in recent years. The reason is that, other than our trans connection, I have tended to find very little in common with the people I have met in the past.


So I have remained in the regular world befriending people who either know or don’t know that I am biologically male.

With regards to the gender therapy it has been the same. As soon as it was proposed to me that I re enter the hospital gender program (which includes 1 hour of group therapy a week) I realized that I needed to opt out; my fear being that I might feel coerced into the idea of transitioning.

I have no mental problems to speak of. There is no depression present and other than the challenges that being transgender brings, I think I can make it on my own through the use of cross dressing. I won’t stress about frequency any longer as I have no one to report to but myself.

I tried for decades to stop and my life was less fulfilling and bleaker so I know that what I am doing is the right thing. It does not matter anymore that this represents an undesirable aberration for others.

It makes ME happy.

I have placed too much emphasis on choosing a side perhaps because the way I live now is perhaps like living in limbo. You are neither normal male nor normal female. But for better or for worse it’s MY normal.

The search for an elusive answer is over because there is none. It is how I am “point finale”.

I now move on to living with a fuller acceptance of myself. I will focus on getting my children through school and finding happiness in the music and the art I love to create.

The struggle I have lived with most of my life is coming to an end.

The personal growth over the past 10 months has been nothing short of remarkable. I now see how people feel when they accept themselves for who they are.

And I must admit that it feels pretty good.

Comments

  1. Joanna -

    Therapy doesn't have to have a bias. Many people in therapy groups may have biases, but the therapist should be able to manage this. As long as you feel good about yourself, that's what counts.

    With that being said, if you feel you're having trouble in non-gender areas, do see a therapist or join a group - they do help. But be very careful - the wrong group can put you into a worse group than if you were in no group.

    M

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well that is precisely right marian. I just needed to get past my road block of trying to find an origin for my GID. Aside from that I don't have other life issues....at least not at the moment...

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…