So I have remained in the regular world befriending people who either know or don’t know that I am biologically male.
With regards to the gender therapy it has been the same. As soon as it was proposed to me that I re enter the hospital gender program (which includes 1 hour of group therapy a week) I realized that I needed to opt out; my fear being that I might feel coerced into the idea of transitioning.
I have no mental problems to speak of. There is no depression present and other than the challenges that being transgender brings, I think I can make it on my own through the use of cross dressing. I won’t stress about frequency any longer as I have no one to report to but myself.
I tried for decades to stop and my life was less fulfilling and bleaker so I know that what I am doing is the right thing. It does not matter anymore that this represents an undesirable aberration for others.
It makes ME happy.
I have placed too much emphasis on choosing a side perhaps because the way I live now is perhaps like living in limbo. You are neither normal male nor normal female. But for better or for worse it’s MY normal.
The search for an elusive answer is over because there is none. It is how I am “point finale”.
I now move on to living with a fuller acceptance of myself. I will focus on getting my children through school and finding happiness in the music and the art I love to create.
The struggle I have lived with most of my life is coming to an end.
The personal growth over the past 10 months has been nothing short of remarkable. I now see how people feel when they accept themselves for who they are.
And I must admit that it feels pretty good.