Skip to main content

never is a long time.....

Even as I repeat to myself the mantra that I will not transition the truth is that I don't really know the answer.

 I have lived long enough to know that in life there is no certainty except for death of our physical body which in the end is only a vessel which contains our being. It appears that my vessel tends towards wanting more to be female than a male.

I am not trying to talk myself into anything but simply stating what I have experienced all my life.

There has been so much change already and my living part time is offering me the chance to see what life might be like full time. Truth be told I am happier when I am Joanna. But I need to make cetain that this is not just novelty talking. Of course I have now been living this way for almost a year and it feels liberating and right for me, I like it very much.

 So without preconceived notions I will continue to test my feelings and challenge myself. By nature I am a very methodical person when it comes to big life decisions and that extra level of caution will prevent me from rash movements. So you can never say never but the timing is definitely not now.

I need to get my son through this critical period in his life and then we'll see. In 3 years or so I should be in a better positon to know and in the meantime the exploration will help me get to a solid decision either way.

I came out to a long time friend yesterday and he didn't bat an eye lash. He was undertanding and extremely interested in my story. We came away even closer friends than before. So far this is the way its gone with every family member and friend save for my religious sister.

I never would have imagined doing such a thing only 5 short years ago. Which is why I cannot say never with certainty regarding transition.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…