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never is a long time.....

Even as I repeat to myself the mantra that I will not transition the truth is that I don't really know the answer.

 I have lived long enough to know that in life there is no certainty except for death of our physical body which in the end is only a vessel which contains our being. It appears that my vessel tends towards wanting more to be female than a male.

I am not trying to talk myself into anything but simply stating what I have experienced all my life.

There has been so much change already and my living part time is offering me the chance to see what life might be like full time. Truth be told I am happier when I am Joanna. But I need to make cetain that this is not just novelty talking. Of course I have now been living this way for almost a year and it feels liberating and right for me, I like it very much.

 So without preconceived notions I will continue to test my feelings and challenge myself. By nature I am a very methodical person when it comes to big life decisions and that extra level of caution will prevent me from rash movements. So you can never say never but the timing is definitely not now.

I need to get my son through this critical period in his life and then we'll see. In 3 years or so I should be in a better positon to know and in the meantime the exploration will help me get to a solid decision either way.

I came out to a long time friend yesterday and he didn't bat an eye lash. He was undertanding and extremely interested in my story. We came away even closer friends than before. So far this is the way its gone with every family member and friend save for my religious sister.

I never would have imagined doing such a thing only 5 short years ago. Which is why I cannot say never with certainty regarding transition.

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One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

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"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

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