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Rebuilding

In order to build a new house you need to demolish the old one. The demolition must be complete in order for your new project to be sound. But in demolishing you need to make sure that some essential elements you still want to retain are not swept up in the chaos.

I am now in the final stages of demolishing and getting ready to lay a new foundation which will support the remainder of my life. I am also trying to keep those parts of me that I value and want to retain. It has not been easy to identify everything up to now but I am getting ever closer to segregating the pieces.

It has been an incredible almost year of discovery thus far and I am looking forward to more growth and self discovery as I peel away the layers of the life I built for myself over all of those years. It has brought me closer to a place of personal internal peace than ever before. It's what has been required but I was afraid to let happen.

Tonight my son called me to talk about girls and how he felt about one in particular in his class. The conversation shifted to other topics and at one point he asked me if I ever thought about having a sex change. Reflecting for a moment I said that although I had weighed it in my mind I had finally decided against it. He was very glad to hear it and I was glad to be able to reassure him. I did need to add however that some people need to do this and we need to respect this.

I am pleased to be able to talk to my son about anything these days and to know that he trusts me with his private thoughts.

Comments

  1. Joanne,
    I am not sure that a total demolition is needed for there to be a successful rehab or rebuild. It seems that partial deconstruction of your former life may be the way to go. Your son's acceptance of your love, regardless of your manner of dress and presentation is quite uplifting and affirming. It seems like there is a strong foundation that is worth building upon.

    It seems that you have created complex scenarios that you are trying to work through. My approach is a bit simpler. Rather than working in vain to untie all the ropes it may be less stressful to simply cut through the Gordian knot.

    I may be confused but I seem to recall that you are an engineer by training and/or profession. There may be some truth in the concept that if you show an engineer something that functions and works well the may simply feel that it does not have enough features.

    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pat thanks yes..., I don't want to demolish who I am as a person but just the trappings of my previous life which kept me repressed and feeling trapped...

    ReplyDelete

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