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Solitude

I feel that living alone is almost an imperative thing one should do at least once in their lives; if for no other reason than the growth it affords us.

I have never truly lived alone and I am now doing it at 50 years of age.

It has been illuminating and has forced me to learn much about myself. In the stillness and quiet that being in our own private space brings the issues I've had to face have been handled more deftly than if I had not had this time to myself.

God has interesting ways to work in our lives.

I have also discovered that I am getting used to the liberty of choosing what I do, when and what I eat and how I come and go. This has been a definite plus for me.

Also the instinct to want to pair up is dissipating. The openness to do so is there still but the need for company based solely on loneliness is gone. I think that this is important because in order to know what kind of person is good for us we first need to know and love ourselves. This was certainly a missing element in my life.

I am now more receptive to what needs to happen rather than what I want to see happen. There is an important distinction to be made between those two things.

I keep going back to the term organic because this is how I want to live my life henceforth. I want to be malleable and open to surprises. I want life to open me up and present things and people to me and let things gestate on their own. In order to let God work in your life you need to be open to letting go of the reins.

I am more ready than ever to do just that.

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If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…