Skip to main content

Time for a bit of guidance

Yesterday I went to genderpsychology.org where Madeline Wyndzen (not her real name) provides extremely valuable information for those questioning their gender. She herself transitioned I assume relatively young and because she is also a trained psychologist she provides a very thorough treatment of the subject on her site.

I know that I am a gender variant person and not a transsexual and because of this transition is really not the best option for me. I do mull it over but if I can find better ways to manage it then I will do so.

Madeline basically says on her site that if you don’t need to transition you shouldn’t – which is very wise advice. Whether you are gender variant, gender queer, androgynous, etc; find your comfort zone within the gender spectrum and stay there.

This is what I am trying to do and sometimes I need to go to a site like this that confirms what I am thinking – that transition is not the best way to go for me. It is certainly an option if things get bad enough but I won’t go there unless I absolutely need to.

This brings up an interesting question my close friend J (who I confide in with all this) had for me yesterday morning when we were talking on the phone; why is it that at home I don’t often dress in women’s clothing? He asked me this when we were discussing my future options including the possibility of transition.

It is a fair question because in truth I do separate when I go out as Joanna from my life at home. It’s as if I have reserved my alternate gender expression for only my outings. It’s true that I don’t sleep in a nightie and the most I will do is wear ballerinas when at home.

Some of this is just logistics of course. When I go out I wear a wig so why would I put that on at home? I also wear makeup when I go out (part of the reason is to cover my light beard shadow) which again is not needed when I am home alone. But still it was a fair question which had me reflecting a bit.

Yesterday I called Helene (the psychologist with the hospital program) and left her a message. I feel that I am due for a refresher discussion as to where I am these days and try and realign myself. She deals with so many transgender people on a daily basis that she represents for me a sounding board that I can use to test myself and my thinking. At this stage however I won’t allow myself to be talked in or out of anything and she knows this as a professional. We only met once before but I liked her and she encouraged me to see her whenever I needed to even if I decided not to re enter the hospital run program.

I had been trying to go it alone but I think I need to get some feedback and she fits the bill quite nicely for me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…