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a trip to the doctor

I went to see my GP yesterday and I went, for the first time ever, as myself. I went as Joanna.

I never thought I would ever be presenting as Joanna here but then a lot of things have changed in my life. Carolin, his receptionist, told me I looked natural. I had warned her I was coming dressed and I suppose she was expecting a drag queen. Instead, she got a middle aged woman in sensible heels.

She and my doctor both know I have GID.

I went in to have my T levels checked for the first time ever. While I understand that there is no proven direct link between GID and testosterone levels, I needed to know whether mine were high or low. But I also came to discuss with him where I am these days and what my next steps are.

I told him about starting group therapy after he asked me if I was getting help with this. I am one of his three trans patients in a practice of over 1500 people. One transitioned 20 years ago, the other is 58 married and struggling and the other is yours truly.

He told me I am a very strong person and that I will find a way to manage this. I told him that due to where I am in life and my trepidation about my kids, transition will be an absolute last resort.

I will manage by living as a woman.

He thought, as I do, that time will give me a way forward. If nothing else, it feels good to be OUT. I am out to everyone that matters to me and that is liberating beyond words.

Another milestone reached.


  1. Joanna -

    Living as a woman.... That makes the most sense.

    Have you considered living full time, save for the times you have to interact with family? That would mean either transition (w/o operation) on the job (Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't Canada have better protections for you than the USA has for me?) or transition before entering a new job (and not having them see your former male self)? It may be easier for you to do this, as you do not have to be around your kids as much as you would be if living with your ex....

    Please note that I'm only throwing out some incomplete ideas, and seeing if something sticks - and then that might be a useful area for exploration....


  2. Joanna, I wanted to acknowledge the very kind comment you left on my blog.

    Thank you.

  3. Marian yes I have considered this but its less likely an option because I somehow would not feel right about going to work in a dress but still being male. It just does not feel right to me and feels almost illegitimate. However dressing very often as I do now is something else.

  4. You are more than welcome Linda Marie.

  5. although i a not planning on transitioning... i have spent anywhere from 1/4 to 3/4 of the as diana . most years it is about 1/4 of the time.
    it is interesting to not though that i have a 2nd cousin (even our parents can't remember meeting who are first cousins in there late 80's to 90's) who at 58
    (i am 55) with out internet access just finished her transition. i found her brother via a info envelope he had sent my aunt 10 years ago and when she passed i found it and tracked them down. her father sent me the info to add to the famialy tree and there it was a name change 10 years ago. we still haven't met but embrace every other week by phone. hence i now am sure there is a genetic connection since in growing up we couldn't influence each other.
    in my case since i consider myself TV (perhaps bordering on Ts but i am not sure) i didn't need to come out to everyone around me and yet gradually i have.
    it has made it soooo much easier for me. as now i don't have to sneak around anymore feeling like i am living with this big secret. my neighbors know, my friends know, and my family knows. even a close gg friend has said "so what being transgendered does't make one meaner or nicer you are who you are deep down. my father says the exterior is just a shell we use to recognize each other with. many times at 88 he has had dinner in the last year or so with me as diana. he has even asked my male self where she is if she doesn't show up at times. LOL
    people have been more accepting than i expected.
    thank you for sharing.

  6. ps i understand your thoughts about the job there are times Ie: that i would damage the pretty delicate clothes or even burn my wig. but those are concerns that GG's have when working in such types of jobs ie working with a torch when soldering or welding, working on cars which might ruin one's clothes and hair ect. it doesn't stop me from wearing my earing studs accept when i might loose them when working in the yard or in the shop. ( i have chased those 14k down more times than i want to count LOL) or from leaving my nails in a pale pink and somewhat longer but hate it when they chip and break.
    so i think the job as i have heard gg's say can dictate many things in terms to the length of nails, clothes and length or style of hair.

  7. It is likely a very good thing that you are out to your doctor and his staff. They are professionals and your medical conditions and treatment, including your GID will be kept confidential, at least for the time being before all medical records become part of the changes coming under Obamacare...then all bets are off.
    Your doctor may have misspoken if he said that only three of his 1500 patients are TG. He may only have discussed TG issues with you and two others. I know that my GP has no clue about my TG side and I suspect that your doctor may have many fully closeted TGs that he does not know about.


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