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approaching neutral ground

Last night I had some difficulty sleeping and I was mulling things over in my mind.

I seem to have arrived at a point where I am going to let my prayers and reflection guide me in the right direction for the long term.

I am slowly removing biases against the idea of transition but just as I will not be cajolled into it, I will not push it away either. I will remain neutral and decide what needs to be done when the time comes.

If my mental and physical well being depends on my transitioning, then I will do so.

Conversely I have lived all of my life as a male. If I were 20 years old today I would more than likely transition with very little concern about others but now things are different and I must consider how my actions impact those I care about the most.

So I will proceed with caution but with my blinders removed. What needs to happen will happen and I will continue to remain happy and balanced as I am doing it.

No matter what happens from here on in I am already happier than I have ever been if for no other reason than acknowledging that my feelings have always been real and legitimate and I am not to blame for them.

It is true that part of me is still embarassed at the idea of transition. That by caving in to it I am failing as a man and as a father. I cannot help the way I feel and I need to deal with that first and foremost if I am going to proceed with a clear head.

But at least I now know that this is the way I was created by God and He will help me figure out what to do.

Comments

  1. Proceed slowly and with caution. There was an old talk radio host that would sign off his daily program along the following lines:
    "Yesterday is a cancelled check...
    Tomorrow is a promissory note...
    Today is the only time you have that matters...make the most of it."

    Pat

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