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coming clean...

I need to clarify something.

I am transgender by circumstance only and not by choice. I am transgender because I am stuck in a no man's land and not because I want to be this way.

Why would I want to be stuck as a partial male and not quite a woman? Why would anyone?

I don't care to play dress up like a weekend CD and then go back to being male. I am a woman and was always meant to be one. I know it in my bones and in my heart of hearts. But this is no longer a question that requires answering.

The questions that linger are: can I live the rest of my days as the woman I am in the body of a male and continue to play a role for the sake of my career and my children AND if not how much resolve do I have to face such a huge upheaval.

This I do not yet know.

I know I have been hiding behind theories in order to deflect focus from reality. I enjoy being a woman because I am a woman. The closer I have been coming to the woman I am, the closer I have been approaching true contentment. This is why things are going so well in comparison to my previous existence.

However, my natural instinct is to want to resolve things quickly. But, just like my son's anxiety, some things take time to resolve and require patience. I have learnt much about patience in dealing with my son.

I will be applying that new found patience towards my own situation and let things move along slowly as they should.

Comments

  1. Perhaps you have heard of http://calietg.blogspot.com/2011/04/transitioning-smart.html

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    1. I am a huge fan of calie's and she speaks an eloquent truth in that post. The game plan remains the same for me: no transition unless I feel my physical and mental health are compromised. I am a strong person but no matter which road I would choose there would be big challenges regardless. Thank you fot posting this...

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