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I'm getting used to these little thuds...

I don’t want to negate anything I said in the previous post with the exception of wanting to be a woman or aspiring to be a woman. That is a fallacy because I am a man and will always be one but I suffer from gender disphoria and that makes my brain think things that sometimes I shouldn’t.

Yes my mind wants me to go to certain places but it doesn’t mean it’s realistic or ultimately desireable.

Where I really want to get to that balance point where my gender variance is just a comfortable part of my expression and right now after decades of suppression I know I am overshooting. The headiness of days when I get to express my femme side makes me post things that are not or should not be in my sights as a target.

The reason I know this is true is because I fall back down to earth the next day and reality is there too.

Make no mistake in that I am still content with my management plan but because I am so buried inside my head these days I can become deluded and confused at times.

One step at a time I tell myself. Things will settle down.


  1. Every day has its ups and downs. That is the nature of life. There are benefits of order and there is a comfort when things add up or are easily explained but there are also benefits to keeping balls in motion.

  2. No pun intended right pat??

  3. But you are right this is the nature of life and I know I am on the right track now with who I am....


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