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the discourse breaks down

The more I have delved into the gender blogs and websites the more I realize how much effort and time is spent on people staking claim to a particular definition that they feel applies to them.

We see terms bandied about like transgender, tranny, drag queen, HBS TS, androphilic TS, autogynephilic TS, type I and 2 transsexuals, crossdresser, transvestite, gender queer, gender nonconforming, etc.

What is very interesting about all this is that unlike a real science like physics or biology, the science behind divergence from the traditional gender binary is barely in its infancy.

Researchers like Benjamin, Blanchard and company have provided study results based on interviews and treatment sessions with countless individuals and yet after decades of postulating no conclusive and universally accepted ideas exist.

This is very telling.

It points to the fact that the science (or pseudo science) has left a vacuum which has been filled with personal ideas and definitions of individuals on countless websites and blogs. Human nature being what it is it results in infighting among gender variant people based on the ideas of self justification and who is most legitimate.

I myself have my own ideas based on all my reading over the last 20 years but I have no conclusive proof because quite simply none currently exists. So we are left with long diatribes, arguments, poisonous attacks that serve nothing other than lower the civility of the discourse.

This why I left the science behind and have begun focusing on my own contentment in dealing with my gender issues. Interesting analysis that I run into will still be posted here and there but that's about it.

What is perhaps refreshing is that the younger generation has begun to abandon much of the old literature and instead begun to focus on what feels right for them. I think that this is the way to go because if they go to the wrong website they can become mighty confused about where they fit in into this already confusing subject.


  1. Joanna -

    I feel good about the younger generation and gender issues. They are a lot less disturbed about things that would bother our generation. Where we grew up with a gender binary, they see a gender spectrum. My niece has told me her boss is a cross dresser - and it doesn't affect her either way. Based on this small anecdotal sample, that generation may be financially poorer than ours was, but they will be richer in so many ways....


  2. I wish I was growing up during this age if for no other reason that the big taboos we lived with have been knocked down and there is more inclusiveness among this generation. People can be who they are...

  3. "What is perhaps refreshing is that the younger generation has begun to abandon much of the old literature and instead begun to focus on what feels right for them."

    I am not so sure that this is such a great idea. Those of us born in the 1940's are the children of parents who weathered the Great Depression in the US and a devastating war in Europe. Had our parents focused on, "what feels right for them", as opposed to cold hard reason, most likely we would not be here.

    The truth is that, my generation, the Baby Boomers, was extremely fortunate in that they benefitted from the Post War Boom Years, when educational and economic opportunity abounded. We were also extremely indulgent as can be seen by the excesses of the 1960's, an era off ,"free sex, drugs, and rock and roll".

    In my opinion it is the spin-off from this "anything goes", mindset that has evolved into the kind of noncritical thinking that you seem to find so attractive.
    The truth is that we live in an imperfect world. Despite the panacea being fed to the masses, the simple truth is that the strongest among us prosper, while the weaker are simply prey. Is this fair? No. Is this "civilized"? No. But it IS they way it is.

    Yes, as a species and a culture, we have progressed to the point where we at least try to provide for the weaker and more vulnerable. Nevertheless, deep down as individuals we are all still animals driven by our primal needs to survive and provide for our young.

    I have always believed that cross-gender behavior, and homosexuality is just nature's reaction to overpopulation. This is easily demonstrable in lab rats and makes sense in a darkly Darwinian world. While these behaviors may well be a natural human aberration, it might simply be a creative form of birth control.

    I think it is our culture which finds it unnatural. The question for an individual who finds themselves as such a statistical anomaly is IMHO, how best to survive. Personally I am not convinced that going to war with society by trying to convince them of the "rightness" of how or what I feel is the best approach.
    Nor am I convinced that "anything goes".

  4. I am not advocating anything goes at all; certainly not in a free love, drugs and rock and roll kind of way. For me its about understanding and compassion. I grew up with a piano on my back where everything I turned to was bad or sinful and as a result I wasn't much of a kid. I was also saddled with gender issues that I had to keep hidden. Today these kids are telling one another that they crossdress and no one is dying or going to prison for it and I for one think its a good thing. It would have helped me enormously to reduce my burden when I was young.

  5. And you're right that we should'nt spend our life justfying ourselves. I've wasted more than half of mine doing that very thing...

  6. "Today these kids are telling one another that they crossdress and no one is dying or going to prison for it and I for one think its a good thing."

    In his instance, I agree with you. What we see today, especially in the Netherlands is that both kids and their parents have a higher awareness of variations in gender AND sexual identification.

    The "trick", which IMHO is being finally addressed in a scientific manner, is the proper diagnosis. It is a tricky thing to pick out which kid is just gender variable, or maybe just gay, and which one might be suffering from a full blown case of psycho-sexual inversion.

    I agree that in "our time", most medical professionals viewed us as just some quirky form of homosexuality. Believe me when I tell you that I was very aware of that when my parents took me in at about age 7 to get "fixed".

    My issue with those like Blanchard or Molay is that they have agenda to justify their own feelings of insecurity or inadequacies. The fact that they are so emotionally invested in their pet theory makes it difficult or threatening when others question them. They see it as a personal attack and respond in kind.

    You on the other hand seem to be making that very painful journey of self exploration and in so doing are having to confront some of the many missed opportunities. The GOOD NEWS is, that as you pointed out earlier, today's kids are more open to the reality of GV people. You also seem to be well on your way to RLE, although trying to serve two masters, or being "Bi-gendered" is truly a difficult row to hoe.

    It seems from your 'musings' that you are now at peace with your creator and face that last hurdle of how to make peace with your kids.

  7. Yes its been a challenge so far but then my life before was no picnic. I have no pet theory believe me. My only aim is to get through the rest of my life with less ambiguity about who I am and more internal peace and joy. If I can achieve that as well as not hurt my children I will be very very glad indeed...

  8. I think you are dong the right thing in taking a decidedly studied approach. Like you, I explored every possible option and was subjected to just about every quack "therapy", available at that time. Utter madness!

    In the end it was quiet prayerful contemplation and a brutally honest self assessment that brought me through those horrible days.

    My only advice to you is to look deep within yourself. You are in there, buried under layers of false expectations and the "theories" and values of others. Find yourself and find your God. Therein will you find your truth.

    My guess is that your kids will be just fine. It might take them a while, but if you are patient, they might surprise you. Just be aware that the road is never easy.

  9. I know its a hard road but no matter what I do it will be hard regardless.

  10. Thank you for your very honest input


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