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Acceptance and balance is key...

N and I went out for a bite to eat last evening. Once again it was very pleasant and we talked at length.

At one point she looked at my fingernails and said: “you still have bits of nail polish on them”

She then looked me straight in the eyes and said very earnestly: “that’s not why I left you know”

“I know” I said assuredly to show I was acknowledging she was being genuine.

In the end it was not my being who I am that’s ever been the problem but the combination of my personal battle with my disphoria coupled with the other issues of her pets and my kids. When things threatened to spill over the stress manifested itself with my outbursts of verbal anger.

There is no cure for being transgendered. I know this because I have tried everything and, other than ending my own life, I know of no other remedy for this condition. There are however methods to curb and control the disconnect that exists in your brain and to espouse your nature in a positive way.

There is also nothing wrong with being transgendered. Even as I see it as a condition or an abnormality, I need not have spent so much energy suppressing it because by doing that I also dampened some of the good elements of my personality and part of my happiness.

No one has tried suppression harder than I have and am very intimately familiar with its side effects.

Having accepted how I am has seen an increase in personal joy and internal peace that I have never before experienced. This is how I know I am on the right track. God has made me this way and I need not spit in the face of this reality even as I do not understand the reason for it. Spending your time bemoaning your fate and wishing things were different will solve nothing and suppressing your natural instincts is definitely not the way to go.

Embracing my nature with a perfect balancing of my ying and my yang is the only way to go forward from here.

Comments

  1. Sounds like a plan to me. You have come a long way. Keep at it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have helped me in this search so thank you...

    ReplyDelete

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